The Key to Approaching Women Isn’t a Buff Body, But it Does Require Exercise
Summarizing again, there are five major “trusts” that give you the confidence to approach:
1) The Situation
2) The Other Person
3) The Words
4) Your State
5) Your Self
And let’s start with our three ground rules:
1) Mirror and Connect (especially mirror any negative body language);
2) Consciously Choose an Identity (i.e. identity, scenario, language, etc.); and
3) Aim for High Status.
Today I’m going to talk about the fourth major trust – Your State.
By “state,” I certainly don’t mean New Jersey, although, yeah, you can trust New Jersey.
I’m talking about your state of mind and body.
Sometimes even the shiest women are in the mood to talk to a stranger.
That stranger could be you.
Whether you consider yourself shy or fearless in starting a conversation, try to remember a time when you found opening up to a woman incredibly easy.
Now try to remember a time when you just felt like hiding from the world.
My earlier discussions touched on using the power of your emotional state to make an easier approach.
When I talked about “Hello, Old Friend,” for example – pretending in your own mind that you know a woman you want to approach – I instructed you to use this mindset to get into a friendly “social state.”
Now that you’re familiar with the concept of your “State,” we can talk about your “Approach Muscle.”
What Is My “Approach Muscle?”
By “Approach Muscle,” I mean your ability to walk up to a girl you don’t know – aka your ability to approach her.
Just like the muscles on your body, there are certain rules you need to follow to exercise your Approach Muscle.
For example, use it or lose it.
If you don’t use a muscle, it will get weaker and weaker – not to mention less attractive.
More importantly, if a muscle is never used, it will shrink, and you’ll forget how to use it in the first place.
Believe it.
Similarly, a muscle can also become exhausted.
For example, when you work out and feel like you can’t do any more reps, you don’t think or say:
“I can’t do this anymore…”
“I’m done with this gym thing – it’s a waste of time…”
“I’m gonna settle for walking and shopping and stairs and car doors and other exercises that I know I can do…”
“I have all the strength and health I need – or I would be able to do this exercise easily!”
It might sound ridiculous, but aren’t these excuses exactly what we use when we have difficulties approaching women?
The Secret to Using Your Approach Muscle to Get What You Want
Just like you reap the benefits of exercising your physical muscles, you can reap the benefits of exercising your ability to approach women.
Working your Approach Muscle makes it stronger.
Even better, working your Approach Muscle consistently and in the right situations makes using it second nature – like dancing, running, or jumping.
So, what does this have to do with your State?
Exercising your Approach Muscle will improve your natural State.
To illustrate this, let’s revisit your first three trusts – The Situation, The Other Person and The Words.
All three of these trusts are connected to your State.
Having access to the right words will make you feel as though she will talk to you and will make her feel open to you.
Likewise, creating the right situation to approach makes you:
1) Feel confident that the approach will go well…
2) More willing to approach so that you…
3) Become more and more accustomed to approaching.
Therefore, your confidence, comfort, and experience begin to show on the outside in your glow or your expressive face.
You also make efforts to affect your state when you don’t trust your surroundings.
You drink alcohol…
Or laugh with your buddies…
Or brag about your achievements…
You’re seeking a friendly state where talking to women feels effortless.
Speaking of alcohol, let me address that for a second.
A lot of guys feel that alcohol helps them approach women – and it’s true. But why?
Scientifically speaking, alcohol impairs mental function and motor control.
It makes you worse at math, writing, thinking, and physical activities.
Your reaction time slows, and your mind becomes mushy and dull.
Why, then, does alcohol help you flex your Approach Muscle?
Writers and speakers often “use” alcohol as a social lubricant, but why does it help?
Alcohol Impairs Your Ability to Impair Your Ability
For real, though.
Approaching a woman is easier than driving a car or operating machinery.
Think about it.
When you’re drunk, your Approach Muscle might not be as effective, but you’ve also weakened your ability to get in your own way.
The result is that you interrupt yourself less.
Alcohol makes you slower at stopping yourself from speaking your mind…
At using stupid jokes to fill awkward silences…
And it makes you less likely to interrupt your own train of thought with self-doubt and criticism.
I’ll be writing about specific things to do and say to develop your Approach Muscle later on, but for now, understand that your self-doubt and criticism are your chief impediments.
Ultimately, alcohol lets your trust your own State.
Personally, I don’t really care if you drink.
I do not, however, want your drinking to be part of your ability to meet women or other people.
Here’s What You Need To Do Now…
The next step I’m asking you to take is to do a little homework.
I want you to find your best State (or States) to approach women.
But first, I want you to get drunk.
Go out tonight and talk to 10 women.
It’s just an exercise, so don’t worry about how well it works or doesn’t work.
Set a goal to chat with 10 women for at least five minutes.
Pay close attention to your State after a particularly good interaction you have with a woman.
Whether or not it required alcohol, I want you to examine the “State” you were in.
“Drunk” does not summarize it.
Were you:
- Smiling?
- Feeling Witty?
- Excited?
- Relaxed?
- Hyper?
- Defensive?
- Clingy?
- Worried?
Examine yourself so you can start to work on triggering the State that – for you – produces the most effective nights.
If this homework seems a little too intimidating for you, don’t worry!
All you need to do is check out this article about how to approach women without even talking to them.
Even if you’re really shy, you won’t believe how easy it is.
Just click here to learn about how to touch a women in exactly the right way when you approach her.
