“Authenticity in a Person” is Just Laziness
“Authenticity in a Person” is Just LazinessWhen Anderson Cooper invited me onto his Anderson LIVE TV show I spent a good week preparing for the appearance.
During my prep work, I faced an unexpected dilemma: I would need to defend the techniques I’d been teaching men to an almost-all-female audience, including several female guests who had been specifically brought onto the show to disagree with me.
The opposition’s point was simple: if you used any type of prepared or rehearsed words or actions to win a woman over, it was considered deception.
Certainly I could see things from this point of view, and it’s not surprising that many women feel this way, but I believed in what I’d discovered because it had changed my life and lives of many of my friends and clients.
To go from being a man who was absolutely alone all the time to suddenly having the ability to attract a woman into your life is an incredible feeling. I went from feeling like I was an unattractive, unlikeable person to suddenly having healthy levels of confidence and self-esteem. From having absolutely no clue what to do when I met a woman I liked to having it feel natural, easy and that I really had a chance.
So here’s what ended up happening…
The Argument I Prepared For The Women In Anderson’s Audience Was Simple…
First, I told them that dating is just like a job interview. If you really care about getting the job, then you’ll prepare for the interview. You’ll research the company and tell them what you think they want to hear. You may even rehearse the exact words you’re going to say to your interviewers.
Such a practice is considered normal and is in no way considered deceptive or unethical.
On YouTube alone, there are hundreds of job interview prep videos and hundreds of books dedicated to the topic.
In fact, if you were to show up to a job interview without performing any preparation at all, not only would you have an unlikely shot at the job, but others would also consider you as unprofessional, careless and even lazy.
You prepare for the things you care about.
If you prepare for dating, its not an insult to women, it’s a sign of respect.
Women do just as much as men do in the game of dating to prepare and to swing their odds in favor. That’s why everyone always calls it a “game.” Both men and women are out there competing for the best possible mate.
If you don’t try to win the game, no one is going to respect you for not trying.
The women’s cosmetic, plastic surgery and clothing markets combine for over $900 billion dollars a year. I’d say it’s a fair estimate that the average woman spends 50-75% of every dollar she earns on these industries because it’s so critical to her success in life.
And of course, that brings to memory an extremely controversial (and extremely fake) news story of the Chinese businessman who sued his wife over their ugly children. The story was that she was secretly born very unattractive and made herself beautiful through many cosmetic procedures.
While it wasn’t a real story, it clearly brought out a lot of emotion in people and brought up an interesting question in life: if a woman has enhanced her beauty and doesn’t tell her man about it, is that unethical?
In My Opinion, Here’s Why Women Got So Upset On The Show
Almost constantly, I am faced with a big question: is sharing the secrets I’ve discovered for dating with other men unethical?
If they say the same words I said and it lands them the love of their life or the woman they settle down and spend their future with, does that make it wrong?
I’ve Come To An Interesting Conclusion As Of Late…
I think the game is truly a game and that will never change.
And the reason people get so upset when another person intentionally does something that alters how they feel is that it makes them uncomfortable.
It makes them uncomfortable because they are suddenly faced with the fact that their emotions can be changed by others, often intentionally so.
They are also faced with the fact that their emotions will not always reveal the truth – that our “gut instinct” cannot tell for certain who is good or bad in the world.
This means that our thoughts and opinions can be changed by others quickly, and often without our awareness.
This makes us uncomfortable because it means we are not always 100% in control of our lives like we thought or hoped we were.
It’s a reality most people are completely unwilling to accept.
And so they do the only thing they can do.
They complain, call people names and accuse others of being “unethical” in their own attempt to regain control of the situation.
A person I know once posted a quote from his mother on his now-defunct blog that I’ll never forget…
“Only The Losers In Life Complain”
If someone cries “deceit!” or uses the “manipulation” word to describe how another person’s actions or behavior have affected them, it often only means one thing: that person is a loser in that situation and they are upset about it.
The people who do the manipulating (if you even want to call it that) rarely complain. They have no reason to.
You’re never going to see a president complain that he was unfairly manipulated, because chances are, he’s savvy enough that it doesn’t happen to him very often. He’s the one who’s on top.
I think we can all agree that as people, we all have selfish desires, and therefore we all “manipulate” or persuade others to get what we want.
This is the game of life.
We all want the job – and so do 50 other people – and they all have good, valid, admirable reasons for wanting it. And yet, still, only one person can have it.
I’ll Leave You With This…
If you’re a man and you’ve ever spent time strategizing and preparing for what to do with a girl, there’s a chance that at some point you felt like it was bad, wrong or inauthentic.
Perhaps you thought that love must always be a spur-of-the-moment thing; something that is completely spontaneous and “just happens.”
But I’d like you to consider another option.
Consider that meeting the right woman or even going out to have a little casual fun can be something you prepare for just like a job interview. Consistently, I’ve found those who take this part of their lives seriously will have much more success in it.
Remember, everyone is fighting for what they want in life and it’s your human-born right to fight for what you want too. No one will ever look down on your for this, they will only look down on you for not trying.
So have pride in your preparation and feel good about the women you win over and the things you gain in life because of your efforts.
