Now, when you’re first deciding if you want to date a woman, there are some things that “everyone knows” and they are happy to pass along to you.
These are the common myths that pass as dating tips for men, and why they’re not true…
1) Bitchy Means She’s a Bitch
I don’t know why a lot of guys fall for this, but many guys think that when a woman says she doesn’t like him, she will start to like him if he spends money or gives gifts or compliments…
Most women want to be kind. Beautiful women, especially, are beautiful because they want to be liked. They take care with how they are presented.
Bitchy can mean she’s uncomfortable, or feels put on the spot. Or that you only want her because she’s beautiful… she’s testing you to see if you will still like her for her if she throws out some mean…
It is not really anyone’s nature and certainly not the de facto personality trait of a whole class of people, like models, or Russians, or CEOs.
So give her a few chances. That bitchy act might be hiding a sweet personality…
2) What You See is What You Get
…or WYSIWYG as the nerds say.
Things are largely NOT what they seem, because we see things through our own self-centeredness.
In other words, What you see is usually not even what you see!
Confusing, isn’t it? This is why dating is so hard for men…
The one thing women are consistently dishonest about is LIKING someone.
But… you can see it in her face… If you’re paying attention.
If you are good at reading them, they are extremely consistent. They are more consistent than men actually, because they express themselves more often, so there’s more to read.
In other words, take your own expectations and desires out of what you’re seeing… and look for what she’s really showing you.
3) Men Should Worry About Their Competition When Dating
This is a myth for the guys — especially the insecure jealous ones — who think that a better looking, smoother talking guy with more money is going to steal away their woman.
It’s also, however, a myth for the women, who think you should be afraid of the guys she talks to when you aren’t giving her enough attention.
“If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it . . . “
However, it also means that if they HAVE a guy, they are very attentive to what they DON’T like about him.
If they DON’T have a guy, they can be attentive to what they DO like about him.
If you are trying to get her to like you, she is figuring out what she doesn’t like about you.
If you are NOT trying to get her to like you, you have a MUCH better chance that she’ll look for what she likes about you.
This means, on the one hand, that when she’s not with me, she’s usually not thinking of my worst features, but of the things she likes.
In addition, when she meets other guys, instead of thinking what’s better about them (probably everything, in truth) she’s thinking of what their weaknesses are and what she’d lose in the trade.
So give her some space, and she’ll almost always come back to you.
Stuff She Says
She’s gonna say a lot of stuff… and most of it falls into a few categories. Here are the myths of how women act in relationships.
And dating tips for men who aren’t sure exactly why women say what they say:
4) She’ll Tell You What to Do – And You Should Do It
“You should cut your hair.”
“Why don’t you get ME flowers?”
“You never say what you’re thinking.”
“Tell me how you feel about it.”
I’ll never forget one brunch at a buddy’s place. We met two women the night before and they joined us at his pad for brunch. (I still remember the eyes on one of them…)
The conversation naturally led over to one of my favorite subjects: men and women and how they communicate.
“I see what you mean,” I responded to something, “but I think sometimes doing what you tell me wouldn’t really result in you being happier with me.”
Things seemed a bit cold for a moment. Then…
“I’m remembering,” the brunette started, “when I was dating this guy. I kept telling him he’d look better with a haircut. I almost insisted at some point, but he’d ignore me. Then he came to see me and he had cut his hair. Exactly the way I wanted it.”
I began formulating some rebuttal in my mind when she continued:
“…and I have to admit. I liked him less right then.”
Remember Nat King Cole’s song: “After You Get What You Want You Don’t Want It”…
You gotta be you. She likes you, not a version of her…
5) You Should Both Lead Equally
Okay, but who’s in charge?
“Sometimes you lead, and sometimes she leads,” is popular advice for men who are dating…
If you disagree, then you don’t understand what leading OR leadership means:
You must think that LEADING means choosing what to do. Well, it doesn’t.
A leader MIGHT choose what to do, and in fact might do what they want. MIGHT. But that’s not what leading is. (It’s just being bossy.)
Half the time when I go to dinner with a woman, I’m doing what she wants. But I’m choosing. I’m leading.
I would rather booze it up in a steak joint. I don’t mind the fancy seafood place, but it’s not my favorite. But I know it’s her favorite, so I chose it. For her.
Think about a president or a CEO. Often they are doing what their constituents want or what the country needs or what the business or marketplace or investors or shareholders demand.
A leader helps EVERYONE stay on the same page and go the same direction.
A leader should have and take responsibility for any errors or disappointments.
She doesn’t want that. She wants YOU to have it.
6) No Always Means No
Uh, . . . no.
That’s um… a triple negative, so let me explain.
I CERTAINLY do NOT mean to ignore her “No.”
What she says is important, but don’t take her “No” as a) final or b) simple.
Keep moving forward, and keep adjusting for any negative body language. You’ll get better and better at reading what she’s saying with her body language, more than her words.
I’m not telling you to lie — you have to live with your own integrity, and a man’s posture, confidence and self acceptance are ALWAYS better when he tells the truth.
But be careful how you phrase something… The classic is if she asks if you like what she’s wearing. You don’t, it’s ugly as hell. But she’s pretty, and you don’t want her to be mad all night. So say some version of that, like, “You are so pretty, you make that look amazing.”
11) So You Don’t Have To Keep Your Word Either!?
What’s good for the goose . . .?
Let me make ABSOLUTELY clear that your integrity – honesty and reliability, internally and externally – is extremely important.
Men don’t lie.
But here’s an important tip for men who are dating women:
They always choose their words wisely.
12) Don’t Make Her Mad Or You Could Lose Her
All women are NOT like this beautiful woman I met in Paris.
One night we were headed to my AirBnB. She was in a pissy mood, possibly because I met a gorgeous blonde that night and she probably thought that girl was interested.
She was probably right. But I liked her, and I was with her. I wasn’t going anywhere… until she kept picking fights with me.
When we almost reached there, her arguing was still going strong and I decided I would rather try my luck with the new, smiling blonde.
I heard her voice in the distance behind me and turned around.
“You didn’t ask,” she said as soon as she was close enough, “how wet I was.”
You mean this quarrelsome interaction excitedher?
As I said, all women are not like this to such an extreme, but the fact is, standing up to a woman — i.e. Being a Man — is NOT a turn off to her. In fact, it’s usually a turn on…
That’s one of the key dating tips for men: be a man.
13) You’ve Got to Try Not To Lose Her
Any version of trying not to lose her is similar to trying to keep her: it will backfire.
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