Flirting on LinkedIn: When an Innocent Opportunity Goes Wrong…
The rules of hitting on women have changed a lot since the internet came into play.
Now, with apps like Tinder, Hinge, and OkCupid, it’s easier than ever to find women who want to meet more men…
But as Glenn has written about before, online dating is hard for men — even the really attractive ones.
So can you use alternative platforms — Facebook or Instagram, for example — to meet women?
According to the story of this man, who was publicly shamed on LinkedIn just for telling a woman she’s beautiful, the answer is a resounding “Hell NO!”…
But I’m here to tell you otherwise.
Why Use LinkedIn to Get Dates?
Platforms like LinkedIn and Facebook can absolutely be used to meet new women…if you know how to do it right.
And that’s because Facebook and LinkedIn AREN’T online dating sites — so not every woman is going to welcome a compliment or a come-on.
So why should you use Facebook and LinkedIn to approach women? After all, you’re risking the same sort of shameful rejection as that poor guy, right?
The truth is that if you can do it right, it’s way easier to meet women you’re highly compatible with on these alternative social media platforms…
Because you won’t have to stress out about interacting with women who are getting upwards of 100 matches or emails a day (like most women do on Tinder).
All you have to do is follow these 4 easy guidelines:
4 Steps to Getting a Date on a Non-Dating Platform:
1) Make Sure the Situation is Realistic
If you find a woman you like on Facebook and are interested in her, let’s get one thing out of the way:
Your endgame should be to get her on a date. If you have no interest in ever meeting this woman, then forget it. You’re never going to get anything out of using Facebook, Instagram, or LinkedIn like it’s a dating site.
So if you see a woman who you’re interested in meeting…
Make sure it’s actually possible for you to meet her before you do anything else.
Is she married? If so, move on.
Does she live 500 miles away? Next.
If she’s available and she lives relatively close, then great! Now you know there’s a real chance you can meet up with her.
Now you can move on to the next step…
2) Reach Out to Her in the Right Way
Remember, this isn’t a girl you’ve seen on Tinder. So she’s not actually expecting you to hit on her.
Surprises are fine for certain occasions…
But if you reveal that you’re hitting on her in your very first message, it’s game over.
Think about it:
Women who use social media have a different set of expectations for every platform.
LinkedIn is a platform for professional connection — so women will expect a professional level of communication from you.
Facebook might be a little more laid-back, but at the end of the day, it’s still just a platform for friend and family-level connection. So women will expect you to first communicate with them as friends.
At the end of the day, if you decide to reach out to a woman on a platform that isn’t a dating site, you can’t approach her like she’s your next conquest.
How important is this?
Check this out:
Creeped.in is a website devoted entirely to guys who message women on LinkedIn in a way that’s “creepy” or “bad.” And above is just one of the many examples of men who’ve gone about this in all the wrong way.
So what should your first message look like?
Instead of blatantly hitting on her or commenting on her looks, try and find a common interest to mention in your first message.
Maybe she’s into the same sports team as you or enjoys the same type of music — if so, mention it!
I love finding guys who have similar interests as me, and if someone were to call that out right away, I would definitely be interested.
You could open with something like,
“Hey, I saw you like Jimi Hendrix and live in New York, like me! I’m a huge fan as well — what’s your favorite song of his?”
If I got this message, I’d be excited to continue our conversation because I’m already aware that we have at least two things (liking Jimi Hendrix and living in NYC) in common!
It Doesn’t End There…
And if you’re using LinkedIn, you could show your interest in her work or professional life.
For me, a guy showing interest in my career is a huge turn-on. Work is very important to many women, and so just the simple fact that you’re acknowledging her accomplishments will instantly make her more interested in you.
Something as simple as commenting on her volunteer work or congratulating her on a new project are great ways to start a conversation on LinkedIn.
If you have co-workers or connections in common, that’s even better. And while I can’t guarantee she’ll respond…
What I can tell you with 100% certainty is that she won’t shame you.
And if she does respond, you’ve got a HUGE opportunity. Which brings me to step 3…
3) Take it Offline
Remember your endgame here: To get this woman offline…
And on a date with you!
The one major problem with having conversations online — whether you’re on a dating site or not — is stopping things from fizzling out.
There are no strings attached online, so it’s often easier for a woman to just ignore you than it is for her to say “I’m bored and not interested in you anymore.”
As a general rule, you shouldn’t send more than 5 or 6 messages back and forth before asking for her number or to meet in a public place.
And if she’s responding to your messages, you shouldn’t wait too long to get back to her.
For example, I don’t want to hear a month or two later from a guy who sent me a few nice messages about meeting up. I’ve already forgotten about him and moved on.
But on the flip side, you also don’t want to just go in for the “kill” as soon as you think she might be interested.
Saying “Hi” and then immediately asking for her number, for instance, is not going to work.
Instead, writing something like, “I’d love to continue this conversation over coffee sometime, maybe at the coffee shop on First and Broadway?” is perfect and non-threatening.
That’s key. You want her to feel safe and comfortable around you.
Meeting someone online can carry a bit of a stigma, so if she seems hesitant, you want to show her that you’re just a normal guy.
That’s why a harmless activity like getting coffee is so perfect. It’s much more casual and laid-back than getting drinks and it will show her that you actually want to talk to her.
4) Use This “Touch Trick” to Generate Fast Attraction
Let’s say you meet this woman for coffee. You want to make her feel comfortable…
But you also want to let her know you’re not just her “friend.” So how do you send the “message” that you’re interested in her without just blatantly saying it to her face?
In my experience, you don’t have to say anything at all to communicate your interest…
It’s all about how you touch her. (And in fact, what you say at this point doesn’t even matter if you use this powerful “touch trick”!)
Here’s are 2 ways you could use this “touch trick” at a coffee shop:
1) Ask what she’s having in a quiet voice so she has to lean in closer to you. When she leans in, reach over and touch her arm with your hand as she tells you.
Or,
2) If you’re talking at a table across from each other, try touching your leg to hers under the table. You don’t have to play footsie — just graze your leg against hers.
Touching her like this will subconsciously turn her on, and since you’re right there, she’ll attribute her arousal to YOU. It’s that easy.
To see why these and a few more advanced “touch tricks” are so powerful, just click the link below:
Shy or Introverted? Science Says Try Less Talking And More Touching…
