How To Choke During Sex For Better Orgasms & More Pleasure (Without Ever Risking Hurting Her Or Turning Her Off)…
This is another episode of Ask Ruwando.
I'm Ruwando on behalf of Gotham club.
And I'm joined by my friend Candice from Naked Yoga Therapy to answer a very interesting question:
So this is something that a lot of guys, especially analytical guys will ask me.
Like, why did this chick from Tinder asked me choke her? That's so weird.
Are they all crazy? No. (Well, maybe it's up to you.)
But choking is something that many women–certainly not all–find pleasurable.
But in this video, we're going to go into why it's pleasurable in the bedroom, how to do it in a safe way, both physically and emotionally.
And of course, we’ll also go into the technical details of how to do it in a hot, sexy and highly pleasurable way.
I'm going to try to address all of that below:
Catch The Full Video Transcript Below…
So this is something that confused me a lot in the past. Like, why would anyone want to be choked?
And there are a few lenses with which you can understand why this is pleasurable. The first thing that I share with guys is that you feel more when you're in your body.
What does it mean to be in your body?
Your attention is on the sensations in your body, of course, right? If you're paying attention to your d*ck, you can feel more sensation there.
So with something like pleasure, like if I'm just like touching Candice’s arm, it might feel good. It might put her in her body for a moment.
But if she's worrying about something… if she's worrying about what's going on at work, or her taxes, or the world… there's nothing forcing her to pay attention.
She can check out on that.
One Of The Biggest Roadblocks That Stops Women (And Men) From Experiencing Pleasure During Sex–And How Choking Can Fix It…
And I've heard that a lot, even from both men and women, even in highly pleasurable acts. Like, think about the last time you received oral sex.
Were you paying attention the whole time?
A lot of people check out on high sensation, which causes them to feel less and maybe not even feel at all. Because a lot of people are uncomfortable with high sensation.
And pleasure does not have stakes.
Pleasure doesn't force you to be here. There's no reason why you have to be here. But just as a quick demo, my hand is on Candice’s throat.
I'm putting zero pressure on her right now, obviously, I'm doing this as a demonstration,
She can still talk and breathe.
And we're gonna go into the techniques in a second. But just my hand here, is forcing her to pay attention because her instincts are like, there's a hand on a sensitive part of my body. Even though this is just a demonstration.
There's no way she's thinking about her taxes right now.
No, not really. Okay?
Right. So it's something that forces you in the moment. And that's the sensational side.
Here’s What Choking Does to Her Psychologically (& Why It’s Such a Turn-On For Her)…
Now, the psychological side, we could go very deep into. But we're not going to spend 20 minutes on it.
There is something to feeling dominated, especially for straight women. Not all women and not in all situations.
But there's something to being handled–which is why when you're a little kid, tickling on your sensitive areas feel feels good.
Like tickling on your neck, on your belly, in your armpits–these are sensitive areas.
And when you let someone touch those areas, there's a lot of sensation there because it is vulnerable. It's a vulnerability on the physical level.
So we won’t go very deep into the dominant psychology of that, or that would take too long.
But just to end this part of it, Candice, you want to speak a little bit about your own experiences with choking in sexual settings?
Why it's fun, right?
Well, I think what makes it fun is if I trust whoever is doing it, that they're really not going to hurt me.
And I think the reason why it is hot is that it does put you in a situation where this potentially could be life-threatening, which really can be erotic.
And that really like drives the arrows. It's like the animal holding its young by the neck.
And it's almost like, it's almost like immobilizing. Of course you don’t want to be immobilizing, but it reminds someone that hey, I’m in charge here.
There’s something very hot about being like, then if you're in charge, that means I can surrender if I trust you.
And if this is a consensual thing, the more I surrender, the more I'm basically surrendering to my own pleasure.
I'm not having to do anything. I'm allowing this to happen. And I'm about to receive something hopefully amazing.
Do You Know About the Secret Connection Between a Woman’s Neck & Her “Yoni”?
I do want to say something about being out of control, because I think that's a concept a lot of guys don't understand.
I mean, I think everybody, at least to some extent, is always in control in some aspect of their life.
Like, we have to be in this world.
And so being out of control is almost a relief. It's almost like wait, I don't have to think about what I want or need. Being out of control is almost like a total surrender.
And orgasm is the biggest total surrender. It just takes your mind out of it a little bit.
I guess one more thing that I do want to say about the neck and the throat is actually there's a link from the throat and the neck and the esophagus directly to the Yoni or the vagina.
And so whenever you kind of like, get a hold of a woman’s neck, it may affect other parts of her body.
But if you're feeling, you know, trusting of your partner, then it's like this is not alarming. I can trust, therefore I can let go, and then the other body parts can let go.
This is something that a lot of BDSM people say about the enjoyment of having a ball gag. It's like when your mouth is forced open, everything kind of has to open.
But there is real danger involved. You know, people have died.
And I hate to go into that, but people have died in playing around with this stuff in a totally consensual way.
So it's super important to make sure that you as the choker are the one ensuring safety on all on all ends.
How To Use Choking to Unleash Her Wild Side Without Compromising Her Emotional Or Physical Safety…
And we're going to go into the physical next. But I want to speak about the emotional safety.
Because given that this is a sensitive area, given that many women have trauma in the bedroom, you want to make sure that you're doing it in an emotionally safe way too.
Because if you trip her up emotionally, no one's going to have a good time.
So as we're looking for consent, or checking for consent, in any sexual act, something that's potentially hazardous here, you definitely want to make sure that you're checking in before, during and after.
Now, as I mentioned in other videos, if you have an ongoing partner, this is definitely something you want to have an explicit discussion about.
But if it's a first time situation, you've met her on Tinder or at the bar or whatever… you're getting hot and heavy and you have this instinct of like, I think she really wants to be choked.
I feel like she does, or she even says choke me or something like that. It's still always better to err on the side of caution.
It never hurts to check in. Just ask her, do you like this? Is this what you mean?
You can just check in with a very simple yes or no question and go step by step. And with the first time sexual experience, I would never do anything that could be harmful.
We're going to go into that in a second and what that would physically look like.
The Key to Easing Her Into it If It’s Your First Time Sleeping With Her Or She Hasn’t Been Choked Before…
So you can always start by kind of checking in with like, a soft little breathing on someone's neck.
And if they're really liking it, then they may be into choking at some point. Or, you know, on the flip side, if she locks up, probably not a good thing to try.
Whatever the reason is, one last thing I want to say on checking for consent is if it's for the first time partner…
If it's not a clear hell yes, just treat it like a no.
Because a lot of women, a lot of people are not great with expressing their desires. Maybe they don't know their desires, maybe they're not really sure what their boundaries are.
And while yes, they can take responsibility for that in the sexual act, if you're the one doing it, it's really on you to ensure that everything is okay.
It's not worth the risk to do something that might trigger some really negative response.
You Want to Start With the Back of Her Neck (Here’s Why & How)…
So we'll start with the safer area, which is the back of the neck. It’s very different from the front of the neck.
The back of your neck is pretty strong, you can apply a decent amount of pressure. I mean, not too much, you can still hurt, but you're not going to damage anything back there.
Even if you have a death grip, it might be uncomfortable, but you're not going to hurt her body, on the neck, most likely, unless you're a hawk.
So this is actually a place where with a first-time lover, if maybe she seems like she's giving signs that she likes this kind of play, I'll start with the back of the neck because it's pretty safe.
If again, if I touched the back of her neck, maybe during intercourse, or during making out or something like that, and she locks up… I'm like, okay, we're not even going to go with it. We're not going to do anything like that.
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But if she seems to be intuitive, she seems to surrender, then I know okay, this at least is cool.
Now we can progress to the next stage. And just this by itself can be pretty hot. It can have the same feeling of being controlled without dealing with the risks of the things that can happen with choking.
Next, as Candice mentioned, in the front of the neck, you can just touch lightly and again gauge to see whether it's pleasurable or not.
You don't have to apply any pressure. If she seems to be into it, leaning into it, maybe giving you signals that she wants more, then you can play with the next stage.
Do THIS to Make Her Feel Dominated During Sex Without Having to Worry About the Risks of Choking Her…
So right above the clavicle, her collarbone can also have the same feeling that holding the back of the neck does without actually choking.
Like there's nothing here, it is just muscle and I'm right over the bone.
So like nothing can be hurt here. If I'm on top of her, if we're having sex, this can have a feeling of dominance, that feels really good. You don't have to worry about the risks.
The next part I want to go into is where it's most dangerous. The trachea, the windpipe.
So here's a place where I don't typically put direct pressure, because even if she likes choking, this actually is painful.
So unless she has like this thing where she really enjoys pain, which I think is not super common, maybe only common at high levels of arousal… but most people I mean, you can press your Adam's apple, it doesn't feel good.
It's not like it's necessarily sexy.
So unless you like feeling pain, this is probably not going to be sexy.
The place where you do want to play with choking is the carotid arteries which are on the sides.
If You Watch MMA You’ve Probably Seen This Next Choking Technique I’m About to Show You…
So if you watch MMA or Jiu Jitsu or something, this is where the blood chokes happen versus the air chokes.
If you have ever seen someone get air choked, they usually cough afterwards. It usually hurts really bad–not what you want to do with your bedroom partners.
But the blood choke, they might feel light-headed when you let go. That’s the worst that happens.
As with any choke, if you hold it too long, they can pass out or die, which is not what you want to do in the bedroom.
So if you just put pressure on each side, Candice can still breathe and I’m putting like medium pressure on her.
But if I held on too long, you'd probably see her face flush.
If I held hold on more than 10 seconds, she might pass out.
Typically I'll never hold on more than three Mississippi's because even if she likes going there, even if she can breathe, I don't know what her cardiovascular system is like.
You know, maybe she had too much coffee.
There are a lot of things that I've witnessed where it's like she'll kind of like blackout, or lose focus, or go into an altered state, which can be pleasurable.
But if you're not planning on going there, maybe you don't want to go there by accident.
So the carotid artery is the place where you want to play with it. But again, I go in stages.
The “Three Mississippi Rule” to Ensure You NEVER Hurt Her & Give Her as Much Pleasure As Possible…
If I know she likes choking, then sometimes I'll just hold without putting pressure. This is pretty safe as well. But if I know she likes it, I'm gonna use a little pressure.
She can still breathe. I'm checking her. Yeah, okay.
I'm more aware of what's going on in my head. That's all.
So we'll go for a few more Mississippi's just to see, you know, how far you can take it without pushing her over the limit.
She's gonna tell you when to stop. You know, she might feel euphoric too.
And before you know it, if I held on for five more seconds, she might have passed out just now. I don't know how much running you do.
Maybe you could last a while, but not something else you want to play with, unless it's something you've had a conversation about.
It’s not something you want to go into unconsciously. So as you can see, in this little demo, this is part of what can happen as far as the euphoric side.
But you want to make sure you're aware of the anatomy. You're aware that you're blocking blood flow to the brain as opposed to just trying to demo something, because if she passes out, it's completely on you.
It's completely your responsibility as the holder of the space.
And finally, just know that it can be a very pleasurable thing, but go in steps and be safe.
At the end of the day, choking is just one way to use rough sex to give women more pleasure.
Here are two more rough sex moves I personally love (and most women love too):
So Now You Know How to Choke a Hot Girl Into A MEGA-ORGASM…
Because at the end of the day man… a lot of women just want to be f*cked.
They want it rough, and they don’t want you to make love to them all the time…
Because sex isn’t ALWAYS about building an emotional connection.
More often than not sex is just about giving into your animal instincts… letting your primal desires take over…
… and giving it to her good, like it’s the last time you’re ever going to have sex on this planet.
In my experience, this kind of sex drives women absolutely WILD… (literally, it can turn her into a wild animal in the sack)…
And when you can do this women tend to come back for more, because it's so utterly satisfying… and so few men know how to do it!!
(Most men are either afraid they’ll hurt her, or simply don’t realize just HOW rough most women secretly want it.)
So do your partner a favor… and get at least a little rough with her.
Every woman out there likes being f*cked roughly every now and then:
P.S. I think my personal favorite move is the “S&M Spank”… it's a lot of fun, and can really ease a hot girl into kinkier roleplay… would you try it?