How to Get A Girlfriend: The Passive Approach Vs. The Active Approach

How to Find a Girlfriend Quickly & Easily

How to Find a Girlfriend Quickly & Easily–Which Approach Is Best For You?

This question has perplexed me for quite some time:

“What is the best way to get a girlfriend?”

Do you look for a girlfriend actively?

Or is that too needy, and maybe you need to just naturally find a girlfriend as you scorch the earth with your romantic prowess?

Well, the first answer to this is, “Both might work, so long as you don’t do it like most people do.”

But what exactly is it that most people do?

That’s what I’m going to show you today–plus what you should do to finally get the girlfriend you really want.

A Quick Note Before We Jump Into Things…

I’m going to first start with the passive approach to how to get a girlfriend.

And then I’ll cover the active approach, and how to do both of these approaches right (i.e. not how most people do it).

Before we begin, however, I do need to point out that this article is a much more “metacognitive” article than a “How to get a girlfriend tonight!” kind of article.

I’m presenting a process to follow, because women that you would consider “girlfriend quality” are available in abundance. However, you won’t always run into these women when you step outside your door.

This is a process that could take weeks or months, depending on where you live.

A girlfriend is someone who will be one of your closest friends and confidants in your whole life.

Do not take the decision lightly.

So with that in mind, I present the “passive” approach to get a girlfriend:

1) The “Passive” Approach

The passive approach is commonly known as “stumbling into a relationship.” However, there are a few key differences between how most people do it and how it should be properly done.

Most guys do it by casually seeing someone in a friends with benefits relationship. And, then, over time, either because their other prospects dry up or because they don’t really have any other prospects, they find themselves seeing this one particular girl.

They’ll see her two or three times a week, and for all intents and purposes, they’re pretty much in a relationship.

So when the girl asks them if they want to be together, he says “sure,” because he doesn’t want to lose what he already has and, well, it’s kinda fun.

If this is how you begin a relationship, you are pretty much screwed.

Why?

Because you should be excited to get into a relationship–not complacent.

On the physical level, you should know upon first seeing her that you would want her for years to come.

Your heart should race when you see her, your eyes should widen, and your d**k should get hard. If she doesn’t do that for you, she’s not girlfriend material.

As for her personality, this could take a little bit of time to decide, depending on how specifically you know what you are looking for in a long-term partner.

For instance, you may think that she will make great partner, only to find out months into the relationship that she has an exceedingly annoying trait or even shows some red flags. 

The physical attraction should feel natural–it’s the personality that you need to decide for yourself what you’re looking for.

What Does it Mean to “Stumble” Into A Relationship?

This is how I got with my second serious girlfriend.

When I first saw her walking into the room, I was star-struck. I felt the physical attraction to her that I had up until that point never felt with another woman.

And when we finally had sex, it was the best sex of my life at the time and is still quite up there on the list.

Then, we saw each other again and again and again. But I also continued to see other women.

This created a fine balance of interest and non-neediness.

Eventually, her interest began to grow and grow, and she would increasingly want to see me.

And then, after hitting a precipice where she found out that I was actively seeing other women, she decided that she wanted to have me exclusively to herself.

And that brings me to another point:

She should be the one to push for exclusivity or at least a more serious connection.

The #1 Reason You Should Sleep With Other Women Until She Asks to Be Exclusive…

For now, just know that it is better for the woman to ask for exclusivity than for you to.

Mostly, it boils down to the fact that you want her to offer monogamy first.

That way, you don’t willingly sacrifice your sexual freedom (do you see how maybe that makes you seem too eager or lacking in other options?).

But for now, let us review this first process:

You meet a girl, you like her a lot, and then you sleep with her. During this process, you are seeing other women.

This prevents you be from becoming too obsessed with her, it gives you other options, and it makes you a man in demand. Women are like birds, they flock where the others flock.

This not only helps you transition from sleeping with her to seriously dating her, it also helps you get to know her. 

The only drawbacks of this process are the following:

One, it might make you too unavailable.

A woman who you want to date seriously might feel very strongly for you but can tell (because women are very smart and perceptive) that you are just playing the field.

I have lost the few women who I cared for very deeply because, to put it bluntly, I was too big of a playboy.

In a similar way, going through this phase might make you hesitant to express deeper feelings about women. You may feel that expressing anything other than sexual interest is weak or unmanly.

To avoid this, you can perhaps try another method.

2) The “Active” Approach

This next approach requires you to be a little more selective.

Rather than getting into hyperactive “pickup mode,” instead you get into a very selective mode. You are screening out women who don’t fit your girlfriend criteria.

Perhaps you see other women during this process, but not more than once or twice. You don’t want to give energy to anything that isn’t up to your standards.

Why?

Investing time into something sub-par will enact a spiraling, emotional sunken-cost fallacy. And eventually, it could cause you to misperceive a woman of sub-par value for someone who you want to date.

If you find yourself in a more introverted phase in life and don’t go out that much anymore, this style of “active” approach should happen naturally.

For me, it happened when I started focusing on writing instead of trying to get laid every weekend. As a consequence, women of a higher quality began to walk into my life, almost effortlessly.

It Doesn’t End There…

The way you do this, of course, is finding something to focus on besides women.

And, no, I don’t mean sitting at home playing video games or watching television. I mean focusing on a passion or building a business–something larger than her.

This will make you into a man who is focused and looking for a woman who will support him in his journey, rather than a man desperate for a relationship.

This “larger than her” focus will also prevent you from falling into the trap that a lot of men do when they go hunting for a girlfriend. For these men, the girl becomes their entire life.

An individual woman should never become your life, even if women as a whole are your passion, as it was with Casanova.

The strength of this approach is that you will seem much choosier to women, and this is very attractive. 

Men taking this selective approach usually end up with higher quality girlfriends because higher quality women can tell that these men have higher standards.

Of course, the natural weakness of this approach is that you may go dry for longer periods of time. For men who are beginners or intermediate–or for even advanced men who do not have any focus besides women–I would warn you to find a passion quickly so that this doesn’t happen.

But at the end of the day, before you invest any time into a woman… it’s best to find out if she’s genuinely interested in you first.

And here’s how it’s done:

How to Find a Girlfriend Quickly & Easily

Does She Want to Sleep With You? Use This 6-Question Picture Quiz to Find Out…

If you’re like most guys in our community, then you probably have a girl in mind who you’d like to either:

a) Sleep with…
b) Go from “just friends” to something more…
c) Or turn into your long-term steady girlfriend.

So if that’s the case, then you may be wondering if she’s genuinely interested in you… or if she’s just looking for some extra male attention.

(Lots of girls do this to unsuspecting men for a quick ego boost. Google it sometime.)

Enter–this 6-question picture quiz, which reveals a woman’s true level of sexual interest in you.

I first heard about it from my buddy Craig here at Gotham Club… he told me they’ve been developing it for months, using a woman’s proven “indicators of interest,” and dozens of sexual body language studies…

…and since then, several of my good friends in our community have raved about it to me as well… so I figured it might be worth sharing with you too.

What’s crazy is that it only takes like 45 seconds from start to finish… which is pretty damn cool, considering how effective it seems to be.

(For example, my good friend Mark used it to figure out that his cute co-worker really wanted to sleep with him. They’ve been seeing each other for about a month now.)

Anyway, this quiz is spreading through our community like wildfire… and becoming a “rite of passage” of sorts among our top members… so if you’d like to take the first look, you can check it out here:

Does She Want to Sleep With You? Use This 6-Question Picture Quiz to Find Out…

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