How to Find Happiness After Divorce (Even if You Feel Hopeless Right Now)…
You’re divorced. That means you are free — truly free — to do what you please.
When I first realized this, I thought it meant I should try and jump into a relationship as fast as humanly possible. And because of this belief, I ended up losing a woman I really liked…she was “The One That Got Away.”
So today, I’m going to tell you my story…
Show you why jumping into a relationship head first isn’t always the best idea…
And reveal exactly how to find happiness after divorce in a way that works for you.
Here’s the truth: You don’t need another wife right now — you need happiness.
The #1 Reason It’s GOOD to Be Alone After Your Divorce
You may think you’re OK coming out of a divorce…but believe me, the dating world is a lot different from being married.
And as a result, some of the needs and assumptions you have about dating are not going to match up with how the dating world is today.
For example, when I first met someone I really liked after my divorce, I wanted to spend way too much time with her, and way too early in the relationship. Just like when I was married.
After a divorce, the feeling that you don’t want to be alone is powerful. I won’t deny that.
This is what leads to rebound relationships and serial dating, where you bounce into one relationship and out of another over, and over, and over.
This style of “dating”might cure your temporary loneliness — but it certainly won’t make you happy. And in fact, it’ll just end up making you feel empty in the long-run.
Because these kinds of relationships aren’t built to last — you’ll still end up feeling lonely, just with another person.
This is the #1 reason it’s good to be alone after your divorce: You get to pursue your own happiness the way you want.
And in order to do that, you have to be OK with being alone.
Now, when I say being “alone,” I don’t mean that you shouldn’t date.
What I mean is that you should be OK with waiting for someone you want to be with — rather than someone who just happens to be nearby — and realizing that there may be gaps between quality dates.
Being able to restrain yourself and exercising some patience will improve your chances when you do meet someone you like.
How This Crippling Mistake Turned “The One” Into “The One Who Got Away”…
For example, not long after my divorce, I met a lovely lady who happened to live in Atlanta (I don’t live in Atlanta).
She was in my city for her work, and we ended up spending a good portion of 10 days together before she left to go back home.
It was the urgency of her leaving that prompted the near-daily contact, and afterward, we kept in touch through frequent texting and social media…
Until we didn’t. And then I felt this gap. I felt lonely, and I felt very alone.
During my marriage, even if my wife and I weren’t getting along, there was always another presence in the house. So I was used to this kind of contact.
Though in reality, immediately jumping into a relationship like that with daily, multiple contacts, after my divorce ended up setting me up for failure (although I didn’t realize it at the time).
I went through a series of one-night stands and week-long “relationships,” constantly running from loneliness…until I met one woman that I REALLY liked.
So, like I had done with the other women I was seeing, I texted her and contacted her through social media — a lot.
And then I pushed to see her as much as possible, kind of like when you’re married.
The result? I suffocated her — I pushed her away because it was too much, too soon.
I completely messed it up, when in fact, I felt like we could have spent years being happy together.
That was my wake up call.
The one that got away let me know that, even though I was having plenty of sex, I was doing something very wrong.
What I needed was to be OK with myself when I didn’t have another woman in my life. And that took a lot of time and effort on my part, but the results have been worth it.
Here are 3 steps I used to find true happiness (and find successful relationships with women) after my divorce:
How to Find Happiness After Your Divorce in 3 Simple Steps
Step 1: Do What YOU Like
When you’re not with another woman, try and figure out things that you like to do alone.
Put down the social media…
Stop swiping…
And go do something you think you might enjoy.
Do you like physical activity? Find a climbing wall.
Interested in 19th century art? Check out a local museum you haven’t been to (Bonus: Museums are great talking points on first dates!).
Take a walk…
Just do something. Because in order to figure out what it is that makes you happy, you have to go searching for it.
Make doing things that don’t involve seeking women part of your routine.
Get together with friends, take a class, play golf — whatever.
Actively work on distracting yourself from being lonely — eventually, you’ll discover that these distractions will help you feel less lonely even when you aren’t doing anything.
Once you’ve figured out the difference between being happy and not being lonely, your dating life will improve dramatically.
Why?
Because you’ll naturally avoid being “that guy” who is constantly avoiding being alone or smothering women with unreasonable expectations. I was “that guy” before I wasn’t. You don’t have to be.
Plus, happy people are attractive. And if you’re not actively trying to avoid loneliness, you’ll appear much more confident — another attribute women find very attractive.
Suddenly, YOU will be dictating the terms of your dating life…not women and not loneliness.
Which brings me to step 2:
Step 2: Get to Know Yourself
It takes practice and reflection to be a happy person, but it pays off.
I am about as content as I’ve ever been. And I got that way before I found the dating lifestyle that works for me.
How? I sat down and thought about what I really wanted before I started pursuing women again.
Before jumping into a relationship with a woman you barely know, it’s important to ask yourself what she adds to your life. Is this something you really want?
If not, leave her — it might sound harsh, but this is your life. It should be about you.
Right now, I spend a lot of time with my kids, a lot of time by myself, and I regularly date four or five women. On purpose. And, for the most part, it works, because I know that this is what I want.
This is what makes me happy.
Think about it: If you never set a goal, how are you going to get there? So by getting to know yourself, you’ll be able to set a dating “goal” and start chasing it.
For me, if it doesn’t work out with one of the dates — she doesn’t want me part-time, for example — we amicably part ways and usually remain friends.
Either way, I am happy.
Being happy not only makes you attractive to women, but it also makes you more perceptive.
You will better be able to recognize happiness — and the warning signs that someone may be a total downer — in other people.
Moreover, with practice, you’ll be able to pick up on signs that women are attracted to YOU.
For me, it took a lot of work — months and months of trial and error — but that was before I stumbled onto the 7 Hidden Signs That She Secretly Likes You. I’d figured out of few of these myself, but I did a total face-palm when I found these techniques. I could have been where I am now much, much sooner.
Step 3: Discover How to Read Her “Body Language of Sex”
On top of me in bed, her lips grazed my ear: “I wish we had done this a LOT sooner…I’ve been giving you the signs for weeks…”
“Huh?? WHAT signs?” I wondered…though I was too distracted by the red lingerie barely covering her perky breasts to ask her then…
She was my co-worker, so she knew about my divorce the day it became official (word travels fast around the office)…how long had she been giving me these so-called “signs”?
And HOW did I miss them? I had been so lonely, I thought I could spot an interested woman from a mile away…
Flash forward to later that night…”So, uh…these signs. What exactly do you mean?”
She lifted her head from my chest…“Oh, I don’t really know if I can describe them in words…and to be honest, I didn’t even realize I did them until I found this article.”
I skimmed the article…it describes the “Body Language of Sex”…how women use these subtle quirks to show you they want you…
And I hate to admit this, but she really was giving me all of these “obvious” signs….though I can understand now why so many guys miss them.
These signs opened my eyes to a secret world of highly sexual women…women who wanted me in the street…in the grocery store…hell, even at my kid’s school!
You’ve gotta check these signs out — man, they’re gonna change your life:
