How To Have Sex On The First Date So You Always Have the Option of Sleeping With Her Again…
Hey, what’s up?
It’s another episode of Ask Ruwando, and today’s question comes from Nik.
Nik asks:
“I have some problems sealing the deal with girls when I’m out on a date. Even when the date’s going really well, I can never seem to hookup with them.
How can I go from on a date to back to my place smoothly without scaring her away?”
Great question, Nik. It could be a lot of things.
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I don’t know your exact situation, just based on your question.
But I’m gonna throw out some things that I think are probably common places for troubleshooting with guys in that same situation:
Catch The Full Video Transcript Below…
The overall thing here is that if a girl isn’t sleeping with you… then she doesn’t see you as a sexual being.
And there could be many reasons why.
It could be she doesn’t like you, period.
But if the dates are going really well, as you say, I’m assuming that that’s the case.
And I assume that, for you, well means the conversation flows, you’re having fun, whatever.
Nothing bad happens.
She’s not bored, for instance.
But if she doesn’t want to have sex with you, then she hasn’t seen you as a sexual being. She’s basically categorized you as a friend.
You’re in the infamous friend zone.
And if that’s the case, then you’ve probably been running some version of nice guy syndrome.
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Nice guy syndrome is … I mean, there’s a great book on it, No More Mr. Nice Guy, by Robert Glover.
I’m gonna, in general, describe “nice guy syndrome” as a guy who does things for others’ benefit or for the approval of other people more than for his general desires.
Because, Nik, the way that you framed your question makes it sound like you’re looking at a date as an opportunity to sell her on the idea of having sex with you.
That’s a totally wrong frame to look at it. Because, I mean, you’re not there to convince her to have sex with you.
Women want to have sex.
Women are looking for great sexual partners.
So you want to reframe it. I mean, the polar opposite would be to see you as the prize.
Now, that’s easier said than done. But that’s the goal that you want to have.
Why?
You have to know that sex with you is a pleasurable experience. It’s gonna be great for her, it’s gonna be great for you, it’s a mutually great experience.
So if you know that, if you know that it’s good for her, it’s the best thing for her, you no longer are gonna view things as selling her on it.
Now if you’re having these great dates and she doesn’t see you as a sexual being, it probably means that you’re not showing yourself as a sexual being.
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You’re probably doing these things to pander for her attention, or looking for commonalities, or maybe you’re looking at your on paper traits of what makes you a good provider.
That’s not sexy. I don’t know if that’s the case.
But I know it’s the case for a lot of guys who have this issue. You need to show her that you’re a sexual being at the risk of her not approving of you.
That’s why people have this idea that women like the bad boys.
It’s not that women like people who are a**holes.
It’s not that women like jerks.
You know what it is?
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It’s the fact that bad boys, a**holes, jerks–whatever–are willing to put their own true desires ahead of approval of others.
Right?
If you’re a jerk, that’s almost the definition of it.
And the thing is there, with all those guys, the bad boys… the fact that they’re willing to be called an a**hole, the fact that they’re willing to take on disapproval from society, from women, from people, from other men…
It means that they’re telling the truth.
Because no one will lie to have disapproval, right?
You only lie if you’re trying to get approval. If you’re trying to avoid disapproval.
So if you’re willing to tell the unabashed truth, then that in itself is sexy. Because people want truth more than they want niceness.
I mean, what makes a good actor is they can show real emotion. He can show the true thing.
And one of the true things … If you’re a guy who dates women, one of the true things is that you want to have sex with women.
If you’re on a date with a woman, the truest thing probably is you want to have sex with her.
Maybe more. Maybe you want to connect with her, maybe you want to marry her, maybe you want to do all these other nice things.
But sex has to be a part of it because what the hell are you doing on this date if you don’t have any sexual attraction?
Let’s not kid ourselves. That’s the truth.
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So it doesn’t mean that you’re gonna go around and say, “Hey, I want to have sex with you. Hey, do you want to have sex with me? This is what I want to do.”
I mean, of course not.
But you can demonstrate this in the way you touch her, in the way you move, and the way you look at her.
It’s more of a subtle thing.
But a lot of guys will make eye contact in a way that they’re trying to seem safe and likable.
And again, it’s another version of nice guy syndrome where they’re trying to get this approval so they might not hold eye contact too long.
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Or they might look at her in a flaccid way. Which is not sexy.
You want to look at her like you actually want to have sex with her. Doesn’t mean she wants to have sex with you. Doesn’t mean she’s gonna like you.
You might actually get rejected more and have less good dates, as you put it, because you’re being more truthful.
But you’ll at least be expressing the truth and women will actually be able to see who you are.
And that’s your only shot at sex. Right? No woman wants to have sex with a fake guy.
A Woman Will Only Have Sex With You If These 2 Conditions Are Met…
So Nik, I want to leave you with something that one of my coaches told me a long time ago:
A woman will have sex if two conditions are met.
One, she has an idea that the sex will be good.
And two, she feels emotionally safe.
So that first piece comes down to you demonstrating your sexual being. It comes down to you showing that you’re secure.
If she sees that you’re hesitant, if she sees that you’re afraid to touch her, if she sees that you won’t make eye contact… she’s already gonna decide like:
“He’s not gonna be able to get me off.” Some women think like that.
So you can demonstrate that through seeing yourself first as a sexual being, right?
One of the reasons why I focus so much on sexuality when it comes to coaching men is not that sex is the end all be all. Of course, sex is great.
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It’s the fact that when you tap into your sexual being, a lot of other things in your life become better.
You become more truthful in your communication. You become better expressing yourself. And you take less s*it.
Ultimately, you give less f*cks because your sex drive is singular, right?
Your sex drive is pure. It’s your animal nature coming out.
And you want to let this come out because your sex drive is probably one of the truest things about you. It’s the force within you that can create life.
I don’t want to get too philosophical here, but you have to be able to demonstrate that you’re a sexual being for her to even have an inkling that sex will be good with you.
It Doesn’t End There…
The second condition is she can feel emotionally safe with you.
So that comes down to two things. One, you can’t be a pansy.
If she thinks that you’re gonna get emotionally frazzled, she’s not gonna feel comfortable being out of control with you to have a high-state blissful experience. Because when a woman goes into the state of orgasm, she kind of loses her ability to control herself.
So she needs a man who’s strong enough to stay grounded, to stay solid when she’s in an involuntary state.
So you may have heard of s*it test. A lot of s*it tests are women testing a man with an emotional outburst, a challenging situation, something like that to see if he can stay solid and handle that.
Because if you can’t handle a woman’s anger, she’s already gonna know that you can’t handle her when she’s in orgasm.
So she’s gonna be testing you on that end.
The other side of emotional safety is a lot easier to address, which is she wants to make sure that you won’t shame her.
She might have some kinky fetish. Maybe she wants to be choked in bed or something like that and she wants to know that she won’t feel emotionally attached.
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You’re not gonna go around and call her a sl*t. You’re not gonna go make fun of her. And you’re not gonna abandon her right after sex.
That’s why women tend to fall in love after good sex quite often. And they know that.
So they don’t want to just open up to anybody.
They need to open up to somebody who will be safe with them.
It doesn’t mean you have to date her or marry her afterwards.
It means that you have to be able to handle her, and stay connected with her.
So again, you demonstrate all of this before you enter the bedroom.
You demonstrate with your presence.
You demonstrate with your ability to be there with her, without judging her, without criticizing her, without getting going into your own head, without looking for your own selfish motivations.
And ultimately, you demonstrate with your ability to turn her on:
The “Secret” to Getting Laid on EVERY Date You Go On…
It’s not really a secret… though many guys forget to use it, or assume it doesn’t matter:
Because sex is a physical act after all… and all physical acts start with a simple touch.
And in my experience, touching a girl in the right spots is the easiest and fastest way to turn her on… and make her feel a true desire to sleep with you…
… to the point that she leans over the table in the middle of your date, and invites you back to her place for “dessert”…
… or pulls you into the bathroom for a quickie, right then & there…
… even if you barely know her, or just met her that night.
(This actually happened to one of my students on a Tinder date haha)
There are 3 “innocent-seeming” spots you can touch a girl in particular, that turn her on really fast…
… and get her dripping wet, and eager to ride you like a drunk girl on a mechanical bull:
