How to Keep Conversation Going, Whether It’s Date #1 Or #5–Do You Know These 3 Simple Shortcuts?
If you read my column last week, and you find yourself on a date wondering how to keep conversation going…
Then you know that asking a bunch of questions on a date isn't always a great idea.
So, then, you may be wondering…
“What should I talk about if I'm not asking or answering questions?”
What tends to happen on first dates is pretty predictable. It's the standard, “What do you do?”…
“Where are you from?”…
“What are you looking for in a relationship?”…
Or mostly, you just sit there answering whatever she asks.
The problem is, when this happens, guys tend to think that they're on the train headed to “sexy town”… when in reality, they're on the train headed to “single town.”
So today, I'm going to show you how to keep the conversation going when you're not answering or asking questions.
Is There a “Right” Answer to Her First Date Questions?
First, let's get one thing straight–there's no way to prevent a girl from asking questions on a date.
So when she does, keep this in mind:
There are NO right answers to her questions.
The fact that you let her “drive” the question train is why she ends up feeling less attracted to you. It's the “interview paradigm” all over again.
Then what's the purpose of talking to her in the first place if you can't ask her questions about herself?
3 Purposes of Your Conversation With Any Woman on A Date
When you're on a date, any conversation you have with the woman you're with has three distinct purposes:
1) To give you the opportunity to take control.
Whether you're after some casual sex or want something more serious, it's important for you to get out in front and take responsibility for where it's going.
2) To get the information you need.
This means logistical information, like where she's staying…
If she's single…
And other information to help the conversation along.
(This includes things like what she enjoys talking about, what the two of you have in common, and what she looks for in a man.)
3) To give her the information she thinks she wants.
This includes things like what you do…
What you like in a relationship…
And how you are as a man.
Yes, she wants to know you–it's just that the questions are not the best way of helping her achieve this goal.
So in an effort to avoid these kinds of questions, how do you move the conversation along?
I have 3 solid techniques:
1) Use My 3-Step Sentence Generator
Let's start with my basic go-to:
The 3-step sentence generator.
First, focus on a positive emotion–love, wonder, excitement, or something like that.
Next, find something in your current environment that you can see, hear, smell, touch, or taste.
Finally, make any excuse to mention it.
“I love this countertop! It feels so cool when I touch it.”
The important part is that you mention something in the present moment. “I love New York” is no good, for example, if you're not actually in New York when you say it.
She has to be able to physically appreciate whatever it is that you mention.
2) Change The Subject
If you use the 3-step sentence generator whenever you aren't sure what to say, then you should have very few (if any) awkward silences.
However, if you still find yourself in a bind, then the next big secret is to change the subject often.
It's never good to get stuck on one topic for too long, or she may see you as “that guy.”
For example, if you talk to your friend for an hour about dogs, it's just an hour (since you've known that friend for a while).
However, if you talk about dogs to a woman you've just met, you instantly become the guy who “always talks about dogs.”
So change the subject often–your goal is not to seem too “ADD,” of course, but you want to keep things moving so that, by the time the conversation ends, she has the feeling that:
“We talked about everything! What an interesting guy!”
And my next tip will give you some insight about why you want to keep changing the subject.
Plowing the Field Vs. Digging A Hole In Conversation
I've written about this before, so here's a brief recap:
People in a conversation with a new person tend to want to stick to a topic that they know the other person enjoys.
First, they find that topic–maybe it's dogs.
Then, they stick to it. “Finally, we have something in common!” They think.
Now they stay on that topic, and as their anxiety increases, they look for ways to keep it going.
“Really? You have a chocolate lab? I have a chocolate lab too!! What's your dog's name? What do you feed him? Yeah, I love that IAMS, do you use the one with…”
They’re digging a hole.
Instead, what you want to do is change the subject… and when you find something she likes talking about it, yes, stay on that topic for a little while. But not too long.
Which brings me to my last and final step of how to keep conversation going on a date… and it's also the most fun. 😉
3) Spot the Moment When She Wants You to Make A Move
When you’re on a date with a woman… at some point, she’s probably going to give you some signs that she’s ready for you to kiss her… or more. 😉
The sad truth is, 95% of guys miss these signs, because they’re too caught up in their own heads… trying to come up with things to talk about… or wondering if she’s really interested in them or not…
(Which explains why some dates end in stiff handshakes, awkward hugs, and the like.)
But imagine this:
What if you had a leg up over every other guy… a way to know if a woman is truly interested in you…
…because you knew how to spot the signs that she’s practically begging you to lean in… grab her face… and passionately kiss her?
Enter–a woman’s “Secret Sex Signals.”
I’ll admit these body language clues are easy to miss… because most women don’t want to be seen as too “forward”… (especially if you’re in public)…
Though if you know where to look (like this place on her legs, for example)… then you can be pretty damn certain that she’s ready to stop the “small talk”… close out the tab… and go straight back to your place.
Hell yeah–here’s what to look for: