How To Start a Conversation With a Girl You Like & Get Her in Bed Fast…
I remember the days when I’d feel “desperate” to meet women.
I’d head out to a bar or the gym to try… and I’d try everything:
Making eye contact…
Having a conversation…
Hell, I even tried dancing.
But no matter what… it never went well.
Why? Because women can “smell” desperation like that. And as you may have guessed, it’s not the most attractive scent us guys can wear.
But today, I want to talk about something else — I want to show you how to get to know a woman with no subtext, pretense, or expectations.
Why would you want to do that?
Because the truth is, the best way to pick up a woman is by not picking her up at all.
What Happens When You “Try Too Hard” With a New Woman?
That may sound circular, but it's the truth. Here's what happens:
When you try too hard to pick up a lady, it's obvious — even to someone who’s not particularly clever or smart.
What’s worse, when a woman picks up on the fact that you’re trying to pick her up, it can very easily make her uncomfortable or defensive.
On the other hand, when you find yourself in a social setting with a woman and you engage her for no reason other than simply being social, the possibilities are endless.
Yes, sex is always one of the potential outcomes — I’m not saying it shouldn’t be on your mind.
However, it can’t be your goal.
So what do you do?
I’ve got 9 different ways to start a conversation with a woman without coming off as “desperate,” and they’re all based on proof and my own experience.
I’ll begin with the most basic strategies and together, we’ll work our way up to the most advanced ones.
Strategies 1-3: Preparation-Based
The first few strategies begin with preparing yourself to go out and approach a woman.
Because for many men, the key to having a successful night out is to be in the right mindset.
If you go out thinking that you need to “get lucky” or that meeting a new woman is a long-shot…
Then guess what? You're probably right!
That's because that's called a “scarcity mindset.” You think attractive women coming into your life are a “scarce” resource…
And that the attractive women who actually like you are even rarer…
But nothing could be further from the truth!
In fact… in just a second, I'm going to show you how to spot all of the hot girls who are into you (there are TONS).
But for now… these 3 strategies are going to put you in the right frame of mind.
1) Be the Genuinely BEST Version of Yourself
Being genuine should not be hard — in fact, it should take no effort at all.
I know it sounds cliche to “be yourself,” but honestly it’s what you have to do.
Simply refuse to put on a “persona” that you think the ladies will like.
Now this gets a little bit tricky because you should always be trying to improve yourself:
Your body language… your style… your attractiveness to women…
But you should be doing so in a sustainable way… that you really like and plan on making permanent.
There's a difference between going out and getting nice new clothes that you really like for yourself…
And getting new clothes because you think they'll impress the ladies.
It's a subtle distinction… but one that's worth mentioning.
This is a crucial step because if you “fake it” and meet a woman who likes you back, she’s going to feel lied to when she discovers you were putting on some sort of act.
But if you're the BEST version of yourself… and you feel like it… women will notice it as well.
2) Know What You're Going to Say
Another easy way to start a conversation with a new woman is to go into it knowing what you're going to say.
This takes a lot of the pressure and nervousness off of you.
“Knowing what you're going to say” means different things to different guys.
Some guys like to keep a list of conversation starters and stay up to date with it.
If you do this, you don’t have to carry it around with you, but you should update it often.
Make sure the topics on your list are of general interest and are things you are genuinely interested in.
Do you like movies, TV shows, or comedy, for example? These are all good topics to talk about with a woman you just met!
And once the conversation has started, it should flow organically, and you likely won't have to worry about the list again — until the next time.
Other guys do “Observational Openers.”
These are based on something a girl is wearing… or something she's looking at or interested in.
I know you and I couldn't give less of a s**t… but women really seem to like it when you notice what she's wearing and/or her shoes.
This doesn't mean you have to gush, “Oh my GOD! Those shoes are soooooooo adorable!”
That will probably put her off.
Instead, you can stick with the number one situational opener that Craig swears by…
(If you can't wait… it's right before strategy 7 below)
3) Practice in The Mirror
Finally, this might sound silly, but practice looking relaxed and pleasant in the mirror.
Seriously. Relax your jaw and brow muscles — maybe even smile a little.
This will make you look approachable and friendly.
If you look tense or preoccupied, you could miss opportunities to connect with women.
Think about it this way: would you rather approach a woman who gives you a warm smile…
Or some uptight ice queen with full b!tch shields raised?
Same goes for women. They like a guy who's approachable and having fun.
Remember, your goal here is simply to meet and talk with women. That's it.
Strategies 4-7: Approach-Based
My next few strategies focus on the actual approach.
So once you’re out at a bar (or a club, or a restaurant or whatever)… here are a few more things you can try:
4) Make Casual Eye Contact
The easiest first step to meeting a new woman is to try to make eye contact with her.
Just try and catch a glance — make sure not to stare. Staring usually comes off as creepy.
If your eyes lock with hers… it's the first sign she's receptive to you.
And when you do meet her gaze, what should you do from there?
5) Smile (& Observe Her Response)
Once she’s looking at you, give her a small smile. This shows her that you’re noticing her and that you’re interested in talking to her.
If she smiles back (and she’s not otherwise engaged), it’s basically a sure sign she wants you to approach her.
So you can confidently get closer to her… and then use the opener I'm going to give you in a minute.
And if she doesn’t smile?
Just find a new woman to make eye contact with.
6) Look for Avoidant Behavior
This next strategy is more about identifying the women you shouldn’t approach.
A lot of guys make the mistake of randomly approaching women and expecting the same response every time.
In public, you can’t be sure what a woman is doing — if she’s busy, upset, or is actually looking to meet a guy like you.
So it’s important to watch out for a few key behaviors she doesn’t want to be approached.
Here are a few tips:
- If she seems to be talking intently with another person, don't interrupt…
- Public transportation is not always a great place to start a conversation, approach with caution…
- Do not ask a woman to remove her headphones. On the train, at the gym, on the street, wherever. If she wants to talk to you, she'll take them out of her own accord…
- If a lady doesn't want to talk, simply smile, apologize for interrupting, and wish her good day/evening/weekend, whatever. Forcing a conversation on an unwilling partner is a waste of your time and won't end well…
It's important to learn to read the settings and the signs.
My Mentor's “Bulletproof Opener” That Works On Almost Any Woman
Ok so now it's time for the “Bulletproof Opener” that I mentioned before.
This is from my mentor, Craig Miller, and I have to admit… it's freakin' golden.
Ok you ready? Here it is:
Next time you approach a woman… just walk up to her and say:
“Hey, I like your style.”
This works for a lot of different reasons.
First, it's a compliment, but not one that makes you seem weak.
She's instantly put in the position of being the one who sought your approval without knowing it, in a weird way.
Second, it's about something in her control–what she's wearing–and not something like her face (which she has little control over) or her eyes (which is corny as hell).
Third, it gives you a natural opener to comment on her outfit or shoes without coming across as too fru-fru.
Every woman and every situation are going to be different, so you have to get out there and get some experience.
It sounds hard, but I promise it gets easier with practice. 🙂
Which brings me to my next strategy…
7) Don’t Make Assumptions
Getting comfortable with and good at speaking with women is all about on-the-job-training: The more you do it, the better you'll get.
While every conversation you have with a woman has the potential to lead to something more, you have to assume the opposite.
Start a conversation simply for the sake of having a conversation. It's a reward unto itself.
This even applies to dates from apps and websites.
For example, not every first date is going to lead to sex or even a second date.
So, don't approach her with the expectation of sex. Instead, relax and try to learn something about her.
Strategies 8-9: Conversation-Based
Finally, my last two strategies are all about what you say to her once you’ve approached (or she’s approached you).
They’re simple, but they’re effective ways to truly escalate your first interaction with a woman, so it goes the way you want.
8) Ask Questions & Listen
This might seem obvious, but ask her questions about herself!
And don’t just ask — listen to her answers, too.
From there, you can ask her follow-up questions. And look, you’re having an effortless conversation. 🙂
But what about going from an effortless conversation… to going back to your place?
Is there an easy way to make that happen?
In my experience, yes… and here's how I discovered it:
9) Turn Things Sexual (& Get Her to Come Home With You)…
The other day, I was thinking:
“Why do some girls come home with me the first night I meet them, and others don’t…?
What’s the difference between ‘Let’s share a cab' and ‘I have a morning meeting…maybe next time?'”
I thought about the past dozen or so one times a girl's come home with me… and that's when it hit me:
When I'm sitting next to a woman… and we've been talking for a few (like 5-15) minutes… there's always a certain point when I have to decide:
“Am I gonna put my hand on her leg… or not?”
And you know what, when I do decide to go for it… and touch her like this… that's what makes the difference.
Almost every single time, a few minutes after I use this touch technique… she'll agree to come home with me… and sometimes, she'll even suggest we go back to her place. 🙂
And if I don't use it? It's “nice meeting you”… and then *radio silence.*
So if you’ve ever wondered why some girls will go home with you the same night you meet them… and others won’t give you the time of day… this touch technique might be the answer.
It certainly made the difference for me… you can check it out here:
How to Talk To Women: 5 Expert Hacks for Maximum Sexual Success (Perfect for Shy Guys!)
1) Plow The Field
The first tip is to “plow the field,” rather than dig yourself into a conversational hole.
This is a problem guys run into when they find a topic that the girl seems interested in… but then they stick on it for too long.
What happens is that a guy finds a topic this girl likes, and then hammers it home until he's reached a conversational dead end, and she's bored of him.
You don't want this.
So instead of staying on a subject you know she's interested in, the better thing you can do is to transition into a related–but different–topic.
Because you're trying to find as many topics that interest her as you can. And the only real way you can do this is to change the subject.
Of course, you'll want to remember those topics she likes, because they'll come in handy when you're ready for my next tip…
2) Remember the Topics That Light Her Up
So when you find those topics that “light her up”… remember them.
The fundamental concept behind this is that a great conversation is not about what you say. It's about how you make her feel.
And if you keep coming back to that handful of things that light her up, then you're making her feel good.
Ultimately, this will make her associate that “feel good” feeling with being around you. And that will only make her want to be around you more.
So how do you know when you've found a topic that “lights her up”?
Look for non-verbal cues. If, for example, I'm talking about chocolate labs and I see her open her mouth and smile–she's told me that this topic interests her in a very big way.
She might respond, “You have a chocolate lab? So do I! OMG, he's the best thing in my life!”
Now, instead of digging a hole, you plow the field:
“Wow!” You respond, “You must have a big apartment!”
She might even try to go back to the subject of chocolate labs, but now you have a card in your pocket (chocolate labs), and you have to look for more.
As you search, you are looking for the topics that not only light her up, but also turn her on…
Make her laugh uncontrollably…
And overwhelm her with emotions.
That's the key–you want to make her feel things.
Which brings me to my next key piece of advice:
3) Display a Variety of Emotional Responses
On top of trying to make her feel good during this conversation, you also want to show her that you can feel things as well.
While holding your emotions inside is very traditionally masculine and can be attractive to women…
Expressing a variety of emotions is usually downright irresistible to the feminine personality.
Additionally, much later, when you decide to hold back your responses and emotional information she may probe you for, the fact that you've already shown her a variety of emotions shows that you are capable of emoting and are in control.
As a result, she is driven to release your control and break through your “burly shell.”
So as you talk, you also want to look for ways to share many emotions:
And so on.
By expressing emotions, you increase your intrigue and project your depth. You show her that you can move her and that–if she is on top of her game–she may be able to move you too.
4) Use Pacing (If You Run Out of Things To Say)
Now let’s talk about trouble shooting–what if things go badly and you don't know what to do?
If that happens, you can try a little technique I like to call “pacing.”
Pacing gives you something present and positive to say when the words just don't seem to be forming in your head.
And in fact, it's really quite simple.
Just describe what's actually happening, and that'll give you a “yes” ladder that takes control of the scene.
And when it's followed by bringing your own goals into the conversation, you're leading somewhere that she wants to go.
“You're sitting there, looking at me, and we have this tray of fries in front of us. Somehow, it already feels like we're getting along well!”
It works to get her in a good mood, and it shows her that you can take control of the situation.
And once you're in a good place with her? It's time to do this:
5) The Shy Guy’s “Secret” to Getting Sexual During A Conversation
This is a simple touching technique that I show my shy or “introverted” students… because it often seems to escalate a conversation faster than any words can.
You can use it at just about any time in a conversation… though it's best if you've been talking for at least a minute or so…
Here’s what to do:
Pick out something she’s wearing, like a bracelet… a ring… or even a hair clip (accessories are usually good)… and simply reach over, and touch her like this for 3 seconds.
Obviously, it doesn’t need to be exactly 3 seconds… it should feel natural. But the trick is to make sure you do this while you’re touching her.
Well, this technique apparently makes her feel a stronger emotional bond with you… and that can get her to open up to you sexually as well.
(A lot faster than, say, taking her out to an expensive dinner… or listening to her go on about her family history for 3 hours.)
It’s also a lot more subtle than just grabbing her hand… or wrapping your arm around the small of her back… so most of the time, she’ll just keep on talking like nothing is even happening…
Though a few minutes later, you may notice her blushing & twirling her hair… leaning into you a lot more… and she’ll likely suggest you go somewhere more “private” for a “drink.”
(That’s how it goes for 85% of my students, anyway.)
This guide will show you how to do it, step-by-step: