Everything You Need to Know About Texting A Girl You Like: Do You Know the Perfect First Text to Send?
Texting a girl can be confusing–there seem to be endless opportunities for misunderstanding, and sometimes it’s hard to tell how much you should read between the lines.
It’s not easy to know how to start a text conversation with a girl you barely know. Flirting can be a bit tricky at first.
And let’s not forget the mind games! Does it really take days to answer a text?
Is she ignoring you?…
Does she just want to be “friends”?…
Does she even remember who you are?…
Does she just want to be “friends”?…
(Note: If you’d like a surefire way to avoid the dreaded “friend zone,” then just check this out.)
It’s unfortunate but true–the art of flirty conversation these days seems to rely primarily on your thumb-eye coordination.
Knowing how to text a girl for the first time means knowing how to come off as the perfect mix of confident and interested.
If you do this the right way, you can get her to respond in minutes!
And from there, you’ll be able to easily navigate the dating waters until you know her well enough to fully take the pressure off yourself.
Taking the reigns of an early relationship and creating the outcome you want with that person is as simple as nailing that first text conversation.
So today, I’m going to show you three things:
- Why women respond to certain texts…
- The texts that will get an instant response…
- How to avoid the biggest mistake men make when texting a woman…
The Psychology Of Texting: A Female Expert’s Perspective
To truly understand why women respond to some text conversation starters and not others, you have to think about it from her perspective.
We have all sorts of distractions in the world today.
Things like Snapchat…
All the other guys who may or may not be texting her…
And so on.
So if you want your first text to a girl her to merit a response, she needs a reason. And according to one recent study, co-authored by Aziz Anzari, you should never text a woman “Hey.”
The study notes:
Want to know what’s filling up the phones of nearly every single woman?
“Hey,” “Hey!” Heyyy!!” “Hey what’s going?” “Wsup,” “Wsup!” “What’s going on?” “Whatcha up to?”
It seems like a harmless message to send, and I’ve sent a good number of them in my own dating life. However, seeing it from the other side is eye-opening.”
What’s likely happening is that the woman you’re texting is also being texted by several other guys…other guys who are going to text her, “Hey.”
So when she sees “hey” used as yet another text conversation starter, she just groups you together with every other guy she’s texting…which means she gets to choose when she wants to respond.
That’s the first problem.
But it isn’t the only one.
Hey…What’s Wrong With “Hey”?
Knowing how to start a text conversation with a girl starts with the 3 major issues you face when you text a woman, “Hey.”
1) It’s Open-Ended
When you text a girl “hey,” sure you’re being casual and friendly…but you’re also not really saying anything.
She knows you don’t want to just say “Hi,” so she’ll be left wondering what exactly it is that you want.
2) It Requires ZERO Commitment
When a girl sees that you text her “Hey,” she could think that you’re just texting her to keep your options open.
Because “Hey” doesn’t suggest any plans…it doesn’t require any effort…and it doesn’t accomplish anything other than letting her know you’re still alive.
So because she doesn’t see anything specific, she might actually feel insulted by a “Hey” text.
Even if you’re just trying to be friendly, most women will view a simple “Hey” as a sign that a guy isn’t into them — it’s true!
And when your text is floating out there with dozens of other similar text conversation starters from guys, it’s definitely not going to stand out.
3) It’s Frustrating (For Her)
“Hey” is frustrating because it wastes a woman’s time. She sees “Hey” and thinks, “OK…so what??? Hi???”
Texting requires a purpose — it’s purposeful communication. And because we all have so many distractions on our phones, the time you spend texting should be used wisely. They don’t want to get stuck in a boring conversation.
So what CAN you do other than say “Hey”?
Well, before I give you specific phrases, the first thing we need to consider is your purpose for texting her.
What Your First Text to a Girl Should Accomplish…
Sending your first text to a girl should get the ball rolling towards the result you eventually want, so your goal with the first text you send should be to get her to agree to see you (again).
Women like planning things in advance, so your best bet is to suggest something between four and six days from when you text her.
This provides her with a window to give you a time that works, and it doesn’t give her an opportunity to bail because it’s “too last minute.”
But before you ask her out, you have to re-establish the connection you made in person (and remind her why she gave you her number in the first place).
Here are three key tips to guide you when you’re thinking of text conversations starters:
1) Ask A Question
One of the easiest way to get a woman to respond through texting is to ask her something.
Especially if it’s something about herself — most women won’t turn down an opportunity to talk about themselves.
So if you’re using online dating, look at her profile.
Does she have a picture with a dog? Ask her what her favorite breed is.
Or maybe she’s interested in pop music? You could ask if she’s been to any good concerts recently. The key is to make your question specific.
For example, “How are you?” is much too general to get her to respond.
The more specific, the better.
And if that doesn’t sound appealing, here’s your second option
2) Reference Details About Her
When you reference details from her online profile, she’ll know you at least took the time to read up on her.
This will help her see you as a guy who may be genuinely interested in her — not like the guys who message hundreds of girls a day because they just want to “get laid.”
On top of that, referencing specific details will often lead into an easy, free-flowing conversation. This is an opportunity for you to show her that you’d be a good match.
Which brings me to the final step of the process when you’re thinking about how to start a text conversation with a girl:
3) Suggest Specific Plans
Finally, one of the easiest ways to not just get a girl to respond, but to get her out on a date with you, is to suggest specific plans.
And I don’t mean “Hey, wanna grab a drink sometime?”
Name a date, a time, and a place. Something like “Hey, you mentioned that you love craft beer. Want to grab a drink tonight around 8 at the new brewery on Main Street?” works great.
The truth is that women are so used to getting texts like “Hey” and “What’s up?” that a specific plan feels like a HUGE breath of fresh air.
It shows that you are genuinely interested in her, and that you’re not afraid to take charge and set a day and time in stone.
(Note: It’s sometimes hard to tell if a woman is interested in you over text, so if you want to know for sure, take this short, free picture quiz to find out.)
5 Opening Texts She HAS to Respond To (And Why)…
Now that you have your foundation, I want to show you the clear, concise text conversation starters that make her feel tingly and excited (or even completely obsessed) without making you look overeager.
1) “Hey, it’s that really charming, irresistible guy from last night”
Send a woman this, and she’ll start grinning from ear to ear. She’ll immediately get a sense of your playful side, and she’ll associate you with the words “charming” and “irresistible.”
This accomplishes two things: It invites her to flirt back with you and it shows her you aren’t desperate for women.
Women hate men who look desperate, so by calling yourself “charming” and “irresistible” you’re showing her that you’re willing to risk looking foolish (if she finds you neither charming nor irresistible) just to make her laugh.
When she flirts back, you could send her text number two…
2) “How’s your week looking? Let’s grab a drink”
This is a more direct approach, but it’s just as effective if text number one isn’t your style.
When you ask how her week is looking, rather than how her day is going, you’re implying that you want to make plans later in the week — not that same day.
Try making plans with a girl in the same day or that night, and you’re giving her an immediate out to say that this is too last minute for her.
And when you say “grab a drink,” you’re implying something casual.
She’ll be much more likely to say yes to a quick drink than she will to dinner plans — the lower the time commitment, the higher the chances are she’ll agree to it.
3) “Hey, how was that [insert something specific she mentioned when you met her]?”
This is one of those text conversation starters that doesn’t immediately suggest a date, but it does show her that you listened when you met her.
So if she mentioned a test…
Her cat’s annual vet visit…
Your first text to a girl is the time to bring it up.
You can also use this text to remind her of how she felt when she met you — and that can help build your emotional connection with her.
(Remember, if she’s going to eventually go home with you, she has to feel an emotional connection.)
The more specific you get with what you mention, the higher the likelihood she’ll respond and continue the conversation.
Women often go radio silent over text because the messages they get are too generic. So when you’re thinking about how to text a girl for the first time, think about setting the tone for the rest of the conversation.
4) “You can stop worrying about me — I made it home safely last night”
Here’s another one that will get a lot of laughs.
“But won’t I come off as needy or clingy?”
I understand why it looks that way, but the truth is that you’re flipping the gender roles a bit — and that shows her you can make fun of yourself.
Again, this accomplishes two things: It shows her you’re not desperate and it invites her to flirt back in a playful way.
By framing yourself as a vulnerable person who might not make it home safely, you’re emasculating yourself — something women assume desperate men would never do.
And this is the kind of “emasculation” that will actually make her like you more — trust me.
5) “I heard you met a really awesome guy [insert time of day when you met, e.g. “last night”] — I’m OK, thanks”
Finally, this opener is a bit of a combination of opener numbers one and four. Here, you’re reminding her that you are the awesome guy she met and you’re making her laugh when you say “I’m OK, thanks.”
This woman has already met you, so she knows you’re a man who can take care of himself.
By sending her a joke like this, you again create a playful vibe that invites her to flirt back and will make her feel comfortable.
One of the Worst Texting Mistakes Guys Make–And How You Can Avoid It
Knowing how to start a text conversation with a girl is only half the battle.
The other night, I got a text from a friend who was in a state of panic.
He had received a text from a woman who he has been seeing on a consistent basis.
The content of that text is irrelevant — what matters is that he was panicking.
When you’re thrown into a state of panic, your brain immediately goes into “fight or flight” mode.
You have to choose whether to run away or face the situation.
In this case, the “flight” option would be to not respond to the text and to consult me about it first.
However, he chose to “fight” — instead of waiting to ask me what to do, he took matters into his own hands.
Now I’m not saying that choosing “fight” is always a bad choice, but here it was the wrong decision.
He did not stop to think!
He chose to act out of fear.
3 Things You Can Do to Avoid A Texting Blunder
When you respond to a situation out of fear, you are without a doubt thinking irrationally.
You are in a state of panic.
Let me tell you, there is no underestimating the power of your state of mind when interacting with a woman.
You do not want to make any decisions — especially when it comes to dating — in a panicked state of mind.
Here are three things you should do the next time you feel panicked when texting or interacting with a woman.
1) Settle your brain down.
The “fight or flight” response I mentioned above is basically just an evolutionary response to immediate danger.
Before we had things like cell phones and the internet, “immediate” danger was much easier to recognize.
In today’s world, though, it’s much more difficult for your brain to filter out “immediate” danger from “potential” danger.
For example, “immediate” danger would be a girl holding a gun to your head and demanding a response.
“Potential” danger is literally anything else.
When you are in a situation with a girl that triggers panic, the best thing you can do is to first get inside your own head and settle it down.
This brings me to the next step…
2) Rethink the situation.
When you panic, it’s easy to spring to action — after all, you want to be her “knight in shining armor,” right?
Saving a woman from oncoming and “immediate” danger is one thing, but feeling like a hero because you immediately respond to her texts is completely backwards.
Try stepping outside of the situation and examining it from a more objective perspective.
Even better, get advice from a friend!
It’s always better to try and think about your situation from another perspective before taking action.
Speaking of action…
3) Seek out the appropriate response using logic.
You will never lose a woman by not responding to her request right away.
You always have some time to make an informed decision.
You never want to act out while you are in an emotional frenzy or while you’re panicking.
Now, you might be thinking that this is easier said than done…
And you’re right.
But at the end of the day, if you find yourself in this situation, here is my ultimate advice:
Take a deep breath and think about WHY you are panicking.
If you get to a place where you’re emotionally ready to respond, here’s my two cents on what to text a girl to make her even more attracted to you.
Basically, just use your brain, and the outcome will be better for you 100% of the time.
The Final Frontier: 5 Texts That Get Her to Chase YOU…
Once the two of you are texting back and forth… it’s easy for things to “fizzle out.”
(Especially because us girls can get so distracted lol!!)
But there is a way around it… and it’s to make her chase you, so that she’s the one waiting on pins & needles for you to respond… and not the other way around.
Send her one of these 5 hilarious, yet highly effective texts–just click the one you wanna know more about below:
P.S. I think this one would work best on me… would you try it?