Discover How to Add More Pleasure, Fun & Excitement to Your Sex Life With Kinkier Sex…
With the release of the Fifty Shades of Grey books, something that was only talked about in hushed whispers is now on everyone's lips.
What was once relegated to underground magazines and sold from behind the counter in discreetly wrapped packages is now in the full light of day.
Kink and BDSM is having its moment in the spotlight and there is no time like the present to give it a try!
If you have always been curious about kink but didn't know how to get started or what do, this handy how to guide will get you on your way.
Consider it a kinky cheat sheet.
1) Get The Basics Down First
While BDSM stands for bondage, discipline/dominance, submission and sadomasochism, the truth is that kink covers an extremely wide range of activities.
Some people have a kink for tickling; some people can only enjoy themselves if there are thigh high sheer seamed stockings and 6 inch heels in the mix.
There is no right or wrong way to explore kinky play, there is only what works best for you and your partner.
Some people say, “Well, I know I want to explore kinky play but I have no idea what I like or how to start. How do I go about finding out what it is I like if I haven't done anything yet?”
2) Be Curious!
Honestly, finding out is half the fun!
Give yourself a homework assignment to sit down and think about what really turns you on.
What are your deepest darkest fantasies?
Be frank with yourself.
Never be embarrassed about what comes to mind.
I guarantee that whatever your fantasies are, there are countless people into the same thing.
Even if you have never done anything personally, as you go through life things are going to register in your brain as “Yes, please!” moments.
Pay attention to the things that register, as they are going to be what you want to explore further.
3) Explore IRL
Once you have decided what you want to try and explore, it is time to get some real world experience.
Making the jump from fantasy to reality can be nerve-wracking, but it is doable.
All it takes is locating a willing, receptive, and non judgmental partner.
They are out there, I promise.
Never invest your valuable time with someone who judges you. It simply isn't worth it.
4) Use Your Resources Wisely
In this day and age we are blessed to have the greatest resource ever for finding potential partners:
No more underground magazines wrapped in brown paper that we need to buy discreetly with lowered eyes.
No more subtly worded classified ads in the back of newspapers.
We can log in and find exactly what we are looking for!
On a planet with almost 8 billion people, you are guaranteed to find someone who is into the same things that you are.
You just have to be willing to put in the time to locate them.
This is the area where people most frequently find themselves frustrated.
Almost every social media site has a section where people with… kinkier proclivities gather.
5) Pro Tip: Sign Up For This Popular Kink Site…
If you look around enough you can usually find it fairly easily.
However, there are some social media sites that are exclusively dedicated just to kinksters. Fetlife.com is one of the biggest currently with millions of people worldwide having profiles on it.
6) Don't Be Shy
Once you have joined a social media platform and created a profile, poke around and start exploring.
Start learning and talking to others.
A common mistake that people make is thinking that once they have created a profile on a social media platform, all they have to do is email likely people and express a desire to meet up and everything else will fall into place.
If you are approaching people only focusing on your kinky desires and not bringing anything else to the table, you are going to have a much lower success rate.
There isn't much to make you stand out from the millions of other people also leading with their desires.
Give people a chance to get to know the whole you and your success rate will increase accordingly.
People in the kink scene pride themselves on being part of a large community.
If you want to get involved, you need to become active in that community.
Join groups that focus on the things you are interested in exploring.
Get involved in discussions. Buy how to books. Read. A LOT.
7) Visit A Dungeon (It's Not As Scary As You Think!)
Most medium to larger sized cities will have locations for classes and meet ups, and sometimes even a dungeon play space.
Dungeons are not nearly as scary as they sound.
All of them have a social section for meeting and getting to know people and nobody is under any obligation to do anything that they don't want to.
If starting out at a dungeon is too ambitious in the beginning, classes are a very easy way to get your feet wet.
There are classes on literally every topic under the sun, from spanking to wax play to electrical play to bondage.
If you can think of it, the odds are that a class is being taught on the subject.
Not only can you learn more about something you are curious about, but you can do it in a way that will allow you to interact with like-minded people in a very natural way.
Every other person in the class has an interest in common with you and it is a very low pressure way to begin exploring the community.
8) Try A “Munch”
If classes are not your cup of tea, larger cities have munches.
They take place at restaurants, coffee shops, or bars (these are known as wet munches) where the organizer has cleared the use of the space with the venue owner.
They run for a set time on specific days and can happen weekly, bi-weekly or monthly.
Munches are generally very discreet.
People attend munches in their street—“vanilla”—clothes and to the outside observer there is generally no indication that it is a group designed to meet up and discuss kinky things.
Once you have found someone that you click with, it is time to take it a step further.
9) Get On The Same Page
The most important thing to establish is consent among all parties involved.
Even though some kinky play may appear to be very extreme or rough from the outside, everybody doing it has consented to the action beforehand and knows what to expect.
A collared naked submissive kneeling at your feet with “use me” written on their chest is there because they want to be and it gets them off.
It is all about communication and negotiation.
The better you communicate what you are looking for in an interaction, the better your chances of having it happen successfully.
Be okay with making mistakes or possibly looking silly.
It is going to happen and it isn't the end of the world.
Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and keep on going.
And hey, sometimes you finally get to try something you've been fantasizing about for years and it turns out to not be as thrilling as you had hoped.
Be okay with reality not being as thrilling as fantasy. It is bound to happen.
And that is okay. Chalk it up as a learning lesson and move on.