Sex Expert Ruwando Answers: What Is Orgasm Control, & How Can You Use it to Have the Best Sex of Your Life?
Riding off the wake of my feature about how to last longer in bed, I received a volley of questions about how to “finish” when you're ready.
For lack of a better phrase (and one I'll be using for the rest of this article): How to come on command.
It's a problem that a lot of men suffer from. Having sex for so long, but never being able to finish — it's a weird spot to be in, that's for sure.
And it's a problem that can extend past the walls of your bedroom if it's not taken care of.
I, too, remember the days when my problem wasn't getting with women or lasting longer… but instead, lasting too long. At first, I remember thinking:
Well, if there's any problem to have in bed, it's this one… right?
However, it was having a serious effect on my sex life and my confidence outside of the bedroom.
But not anymore — so today, I want to show you how to come on command so you can finish when you're ready.
The #1 Reason Orgasm Control Is Every Man’s Sexual Super Power…
Being able to come on command is an awesome skill — women have even referred to it as my “sexual superpower.” (Not kidding.)
Now, for those of you who have had the chance to read and watch my feature about lasting longer in bed, you may notice something strange:
The idea of being able to finish on command is taking a lot of the ideas I wrote about before and flipping them on their heads.
Who would've thought, right?
However, there's more to it than that.
As I've mentioned before, longer sex does not always equal better sex. The counter to this, then, is that shorter sex can be fun and convenient — but it may not be fulfilling for everyone involved.
(I know this can get kind of confusing, so if you want to know how to give a woman the kind of sex she craves, just check out this cool little video.)
So once you know how to come on command, make sure you're still engaging the woman you're with. Her pleasure is important too.
Enough of this, though — let's get down to brass tacks. Here's how to come on command in 6 easy steps.
1) Squeeze Where It Counts
Like I said in my last feature, the muscles in your midsection are the driving force during sex. So you'll want to make sure that you're straining them as much as is appropriately possible.
The places to focus are your glutes (the muscles in your butt) and your PC muscle, which I'll get to in a second.
Your body acts as a container for sexual arousal, and once enough of it is focused to your penis, then it's time for the “big show.”
CONTROVERSIAL VIDEO: This “T-Shirt Secret” Can Get Any Guy Laid in 24 Hours Or LESS…
Things should naturally be moving in that direction during sex, but you can bolster that feeling by clenching your glutes as you thrust forward. This allows all of the arousal to be focused in your genitals.
Simply put, you want to squeeze those muscles because it forces all of the sensation to your d**k — clench your muscles like you're shooting a missile.
Imagine that the harder you flex, the harder you're going to ejaculate. This idea that you're launching forward will help your body react appropriately.
On top of that, your PC muscle can really help move things along if you flex it, but that carries a different meaning in this scenario.
Some of you may be wondering where and what the PC muscle is — and I know, I'm getting a little ahead of myself here. So first, let's talk about that.
What’s the Point of Your PC Muscle?
Your PC, or pubucoccygeus (see the diagram above) muscle, controls the flow of urine when you pee.
So when you push to enable waste to leave your body, it's your PC muscle that responds.
(Now don't you wish you had been listening in science class all of those years? Pretty crazy, right?)
Mr. PC is also in control of when and how you ejaculate. It's the floodgate that opens wide when you're ready to break the dam (so to speak).
Now is also as good a time as any to mention that the PC muscle is one of your greatest allies in life, and you should treat it as such.
One of the ways that you should do that is by exercising it frequently.
Your PC muscle, while very helpful during sex, is also the traffic controller for the liquids that leave your body.
A strong PC muscle can help fight off incontinence as you get older (and I don't think I have to begin to describe how beneficial it is to fight that off for as long as possible).
Another feather in the cap of your PC muscle is that it can defend against erectile dysfunction when it's properly taken care of.
So consider your PC muscle your friend, because the stronger it is, the stronger your sex life will be.
2) Exercise Your Kegels Regularly
Here's how you exercise your PC muscle:
Kegel exercises. Yup, they're not just for women.
There's a whole set of Kegel exercises catered specifically to men that will help keep this muscle strong and responsive. (You can check 4 of the best ones out right here.)
To flex this helpful muscle is your mind's way of saying that you're ready to come, and your body should respond accordingly.
And if that's not enough to get you to the finish line, don't worry — I've got a lot more to cover. 🙂
3) Address Any Mental Insecurities
Outside of just saying, “OK, brain, flex these muscles,” you may be facing some mental barriers that are hindering your ability to truly let loose.
There's one overarching message that I have tried to relay through these features that I can't emphasize enough:
You've got to be confident in your own mind before your body can “come” along for the ride.
Just like getting too far inside your own head can cripple your ability to talk to girls or last in bed… so will it have a crippling effect on your ability to orgasm.
Usually, not being able to come can be whittled down to an insecurity about doing so with your partner.
Whether you're overthinking something about yourself or about her, your mind ends up overtaking your urges and your pursuit of pleasure.
It's why so many men either have to fake it or take care of themselves:
Because they're not confident enough to let their body reacts the way it wants to.
Here’s an Example…
For those of you who have experienced this before (and I’m one), do you remember the red alarm going off in your brain?
You know — the one telling you that the sky is falling and it's because you can't orgasm?
The voice in your head goes a little something like:
- “Let's go already, it's time…”
- “Hurry up, it's going to look weird if you don't finish…”
- “Right NOW, damn it!”
Yeah, it f'in sucks.
Well, like with so many other things in life, nobody benefits from overthinking and rushing through something. In fact, it can even hurt you.
You're going to need to allow your brain to get to that point of focusing on the pleasure you're experiencing. It's not just about the mechanics of how it all happens (at least for the most part).
So stop overthinking it, and remove the stress from the fun experience.
I know, I know — it's not that easy. So here's something that can help:
The “Right” Way to Handle These Kinds of Sexual Insecurities
What you can do is imagine scenarios that will help you release.
Of course, you don't want to overthink this either… but sometimes it's helpful to think about urinating to make the orgasm occur.
I mentioned earlier that special “push” every man uses to start peeing. Well, that's as easy as one, two, three, so why can't you employ the same method for having an orgasm?
You don't have to imagine yourself at some urinal in a locker room, but do imagine yourself releasing like you were urinating.
Even as I type this, I imagine some of your faces on the other end. I know, I get it.
But hey — it works!
And, to ease any stress or concerns you may be having, no, you cannot urinate during penetration. So don't worry about that.
It'll just be the release of what you intend.
It Doesn’t End There…
Another good way to release any mental blocks you might have is to focus on something specific.
Unlike my advice to last longer, focus instead on her body — or even your own.
What's the one thing about her that drives you absolutely wild? Something that, when you think about it, you feel motivated to have sex with her.
That thing has helped you get this far, so surely it can help you get the rest of the way there too. This “thing” doesn't have to be physical, by the way.
Many people, myself included, find that actions can be major motivators for wanting to sleep with a certain woman.
Maybe she's assertive when she needs to be, for example. Or perhaps she has a laugh that could make your no-nonsense landlord smile.
Is there a look in her eyes that makes you want to take her to the bedroom right then and there?
Focusing on these things will really help, and it's also very healthy for your relationship with her.
How to Get in the Moment & Focus for Maximum Sexual Pleasure
I mentioned above that you can focus on your own body as well.
Here's what I mean:
If you're proud of your toned stomach or the size of your d**k, then mentally, go ahead and pat yourself on the back.
To focus on your d**k is to focus on the one thing that's capable of giving you the release you desire — so watch what you're doing, and soak in the pleasure that's being directly channeled into your penis.
It's going to be incredibly difficult for any mental barriers to withstand that sensation — trust me. You'll be coming in no time.
However, one thing I do have to recommend against is focusing on someone else.
One of my buddies told me he thinks about past girlfriends or hot celebrities when he's ready to finish — and this is a huge red flag.
I'm not saying it's evil to think about someone else during sex — in fact, there may be some innocence to it. But I can't see how that could possibly be beneficial if you're serious about getting better at sex.
If you're always thinking about another woman when you orgasm, it's going to make it really difficult for you to bring yourself back down to a normal thought process the next time.
Imagine you're with the girl of your dreams in bed, but your brain is hooked on a hot actress that you're picturing naked — it's muddying the experience.
4) Find Your “Perfect Stroke”
In the same vein as honing your focus on your penis, you'll want to make sure that you're finding your “perfect stroke” as well.
This concept is a little more abstract than the other two, but it's actually the most effective one in the long run. (I'll explain more about that in a bit.)
Your “perfect stroke” is related to speed and position primarily, among other things.
Think about what makes you come the quickest — maybe you already know what it is.
3 SEXY PORNSTARS REVEAL: “D**k Size Doesn’t Matter During Sex… But THIS Does!”
For example, when it comes to speed, some guys get off from having sex at a super fast pace. On the other hand, some men can get there quicker from going slower.
Finding the speed that works for you is key to helping yourself come on command, as you'll be able to adjust that speed when you're ready to finish.
One thing I need to mention: A lot of men think that faster sex is always better. Not true!
Maybe it's something you picked up from porn or masturbation, but faster sex is not always the easiest way to achieve orgasm.
You may be pounding away, thinking that you're going to be able to come so quickly… and that it's having an amazing effect on your partner because she's getting f***ed so hard… but you may actually be betraying your own orgasm by doing so.
So if a slower stroke is what sensitizes the tip of your penis the quickest, then you should be playing to that and not just doing what you've seen done before.
5) Find Your “Perfect Position”
Then there's your position, which is an entirely different animal.
If you're having sex, it's no secret that there is a variety of angles you can use to penetrate her. Like a well-tuned orchestra, there are many pieces to play. The key is to find the one that you play the best.
Speaking from personal experience, your speed does have an effect on your ability to come, but it's position that really helps get the ball rolling when you're ready to finish.
The reason for this is because every guy has a position that he considers to be the “hottest” or sexiest.
That one position can just get all your gears going — even thinking about it can sometimes do the job. Well, just like with speed, it's important to play to that position and let it help you come faster.
If you aren't sure what position is your “perfect” one, that means you haven't found it yet.
You may want to do some independent research or begin experimenting with the women you take home to find it.
And there lies the way that this key can have some awesome long-lasting effects:
If you're in a relationship and you're finding it difficult to come during sex, well, it may be time to open up that line of communication to her.
Tell her that you've been struggling and you've learned some awesome new ways to find out what will expedite the process! It's all about communication, baby.
There's not a girlfriend on this earth who will shun you for opening up about something like this — trust me. The honesty will give her all the more desire to help you get the pleasure you need during sex.
Plus, with speed and position mixed together, you've got a potent cocktail for putting control of your orgasms into your own hands.
(Pro Tip: One of the coolest “sexual superpowers” is the ability to come together with the woman you're with. This video will show you how to do that.)
Before I Reveal the Final Trick…
So what have you learned so far?
You've learned that a great way to come on command is to clench your butt and PC muscle. This creates a driving force directly to your penis.
(You also learned the awesome health benefits of exercising your PC muscle — hell yeah!)
On top of that, you learned how to “trick” your brain into letting go. And let's not forget how to play directly to your sexual weaknesses by getting into your favorite position or stroke.
But beyond that, what can you do to make sex so hot that you can't help but let go?
Here's what worked for me:
6) Experiment With Rough Sex
The last (and easiest) way to finish on command? Try getting a little rough with her in bed.
Why? It’s science:
One of the main reasons a lot of guys have trouble finishing is because the girl they're with isn't really “present” in the moment. Almost like she's distracted or something.
So one of the quickest ways to bring her back “in the moment”… where you can feel every sensation of her body wrapped around you…
…is to experiment with some “rougher” moves.
There are 3 of these “rough sex moves” that seem to work fairly well… they’re designed to stimulate you with juuuust the right amount of pressure you need to go over the edge…
But they’re safe enough that even the most “vanilla” of girls can’t object. 😉
You can click the one you wanna know more about below:
How To Give Any Woman an Orgasm Using Only Your Voice–Say Hello to Your New Sexual Superpower…
In this video, I show you how to give a girl an orgasm using only your voice, PLUS:
- A step-by-step guide to use Erotic Hypnosis to put girls in a “sexual trance”…
- 3 ways to tell if she’s turned on (and how to take her over the edge once she is)…
- The “relaxation words” that get her to open up to you quickly & easily…
- How to use the tone & sound of your voice alone to get her soaking wet…
- What you MUST do if you want to have sex with her right after…
If You Want an Even More Powerful Way to Get Girls “Addicted” to You Sexually…
Then I have 3 more “sex god” secrets I’d like to share with you.
These are techniques and moves that are scientifically proven to give girls more pleasure during sex… and in a way that gets girls almost addicted to your c**k.
Just click the one you want to know more about below–most guys go in order, but I personally like starting with secret #3:
Secret #1: Hold her like THIS during foreplay. It’s the perfect combination of pressure and pleasure to give her a huge adrenaline rush, and get her soaking *down there.* (Click here to see why and how it’s done.)
Secret #2: The “S&M Spank.” Most women love to be spanked during sex, and few guys know how to do it right. This technique makes it easy, so you can spank her into a mind-blowing orgasm in no time.
Secret #3: The “Goldilocks Choke.” You may have been hearing a lot about choking during sex… how it can heighten her pleasure, and make both of your orgasms more intense. If you’ve never tried it before, here’s my technique that hot women go crazy for.
Now Put It All Together:
Did You Know Women Love Orgasm Control Too?
If you haven't tried controlling a woman's orgasm, then you definitely need to experiment with it the next time you have sex.
But what do I mean by “controlling” her orgasm?
Well, it means that you only let her orgasm when YOU decide it's time.
So you basically keep her on the edge of a vaginal explosion for as long as you want.
It makes her think, for at least that moment, that you own her–and that makes her go crazy!
It's the ultimate form of sexual submission for her, and the ultimate display of dominance for you.
On top of that, it gives her an extreme amount of pleasure–which, for me at least, is a HUGE turn-on.
Because when you make the sex about her, usually, you will get the same in return. 😉
Trust me, man–it's always better to have a wonderful woman who you can share yourself with on all levels than to have an array of one night stands. The sex will almost always be better that way.
So now that you know that most women love having their orgasms controlled… you may be wondering:
“What are some great ways to take her over the edge when I'm ready?”
That's what I'm gonna show you next:
When You’re Finally Ready to Give Her A “Release”…
Then you have a number of options, my friend. 😉
I’ll lay ‘em out for you below… time to choose your weapon!
1) The “C-Spot” Orgasm: If you want to give her a fast & intense orgasm (you can do this with your fingers too)…
2) The “G-Spot” Orgasm: If you want to give her a longer-lasting, “extended” orgasm that makes her feel more connected to you…
3) The “Deep Spot” Orgasm: If you want to give her a borderline-”addictive” orgasm (warning: this can lead to “squirting”)…
And if you want to give her multiple “stacked” orgasms, when she’s been an especially “good girl”… here’s something fun that’s been working really well for me lately:
P.S. If you want her to focus on your pleasure when she's finished… then just try this. 😉
[Note: This post was updated by Gotham Club on August 31, 2019.]