Polyamorous Dating 101: Everything You Need to Know to Get Multiple Hot Women In Bed With You Right Now…
It’s a great day and age for dating.
It is now the truly modern age, brimming with truly modern men and women…
…and we are no longer so shy about fulfilling our sexual fantasies–even some that may have been repressed by generations before us.
More couples are opting to be in open relationships–where they don’t confine themselves to sexual monogamy with their boyfriend/girlfriend.
And if open relationships aren’t enough, you might even find yourself shedding a few more of those inhibitions, and wanting to try out a poly relationship.
It may sound a little too taboo for some of us, but these days, we all have needs, and we’re not shy about it.
So today, I'm going to show you why a polyamorous relationship is more doable now than ever before, and how you can start getting multiple hot women in bed ASAP.
(If you're already exploring polyamory and are looking for a quick way to start attracting more hot women–check out this step-by-step guide.)
What Is Polyamorous Dating?
Even for those of you who didn’t take high school Latin, the word itself pretty much does the explaining for you:
The prefix “poly” means many or multiple, and “amor” (or more well-known in French as “amorous”) means love or loving.
Put ‘em together, and it’s not hard to understand how HBO dreamed up the title for their well-known and widely-commended drama series, Big Love.
Polyamorous dating is sometimes consensual between partners, meaning that you are perfectly aware how many sexual partners your partners have, and you are upfront about your other partners as well.
It is a large part of the experience to be as open as possible–depending on the kind of people and sexual preferences involved, the rest of the details can play out in varying ways.
Polyamorous dating is truly progressive because of the patience and acceptance poly people must practice simultaneously.
Think about it–if you’re dating multiple women, it’s quite possible that one of them (if not all) will start comparing the relationship you have with them to the relationship you have with the other women.
And because there is no way to monitor the progress of your relationship with one of your partners, there is no way to regulate the situation and make sure it’s completely “fair.”
That’s why openness and honesty are two pillars of poly relationships–polyamorous dating means no secrets, no deceit, and lots and lots of love. 😉
Is Polyamorous Dating For You?
Monogamy is hard–no doubt about it.
Even in my personal experience, I have spent time casually dating a few people here and there, thinking that there will be one person that will eventually stand out among the rest, and that if and when the time comes, my choice will be clear and simple.
But it’s not always that easy dealing with people and feelings, hence the oft-experienced and super-fun situation we like to call The Love Triangle.
So if you’re weighing the pros and cons of poly dating in your mind, here are the questions you need to consider before throwing caution to the wind:
1) Do I have enough time and energy for another relationship?
Before you’re juggling the emotions and calendars and food allergies of multiple people, it’s a good idea to evaluate your own state of being in all these areas.
It’s one thing to have an infinite amount of love to give–it’s quite another to have an infinite amount of time, effort, resources, and even space to give to your partners.
Being truly polyamorous doesn’t mean dating a few people at first, weeding them out, and then eventually ending up with one.
It means sitting across the dinner table from your two girlfriends, and then heading solo to your third girlfriend’s apartment for a nightcap afterward.
Yeah, things can get complicated.
You need to make sure you have the flexibility of schedule and mindset that would allow you to have a poly relationship successfully. Which leads to the next question to consider:
2) How are my current relationships?
This one is super important.
Before deciding you’re the kind of person who can date and love multiple people without ending up in the romantic mess of the century, you need to fully understand the kind of person you are in relationships.
If you are the type to rush into a relationship guns blazing, several of those such relationships might end up draining you of time, energy, and empathy.
If you are the kind of person that commits their whole self into a relationship, you will probably have trouble giving 100% of your love and care to several people.
You should make sure you have a long track record of juggling a busy life without much struggle, and that you can balance your love life with your work, hobbies, and other interests semi-easily.
3) Would my current partner(s) feel comfortable?
If you have a current partner, and you want to bring them into a polyamorous dating situation, approaching that conversation could be difficult.
Poly relationships can be too easily construed in a negative light–as if your one partner is not enough for you, or that you’re not sufficiently happy in the relationship and this is the beginning of the end.
So first off, if you know that your partner is probably not the type jump at the chance to share their man, you will probably need to bring it up gradually. Talk about friends who have tried it, gauge her reaction, and take it from there.
Even if she’s not super into it at first, she may change her mind once she knows that cute new hire in Billing is now fair game.
4) How would a new relationship fit into your current dating life?
If your partner does go for it, what does that mean?
Would the relationship between the two of you start to become strained with the addition of another person?
Would it actually make all the relationships stronger?
With these questions, it is more important to answer them with as little emotional influence as possible. It is simply too difficult to predict the way things will play out, and speculating could very easily lead to second-guessing.
So think about it more in terms of scheduling.
This includes questions like how often you see your current girlfriend, whether or not you would have to cut back on that time, and any other long-term obligations that might be affected by an additional person.
The way in which a new girlfriend will fit into your current situation emotionally is a bridge to cross when you come to it.
5) Will everyone's expectations be met?
This question is also hard to answer if you’ve had a successful polyamorous relationship in the past–and especially without having ever experienced polyamorous dating.
The best thing to do would be to map out your expectations, talk about the expectations of others involved, and see if they seem to correspond.
Pushing past that point, you’ll be running on faith in the other people involved, and probably some trial & error.
The #1 Factor That Makes Polyamorous Relationships Work
If you start to brainstorm polyamorous dating and the situations that might come up throughout the process, it seems like poly relationships lend themselves to all kinds of romantic complications.
What if you feel like your partner prefers someone else, or if they think you are spending all your time with a different girlfriend?
What if one or more of them questions the validity of your feelings for them, or demands more of your time?
Before you let your mind run wild with relationship horror stories, consider a situation in which everyone voiced these questions or concerns when they arose.
You can see how easily many of these problems could resolve themselves.
That’s why honesty, and strong communication between all partners, are the foundation for successful polyamorous relationships.
As long as everyone is on the same page and considering each other's feelings and viewpoints, the waters should allow for smooth sailing.
(Also, if you are actively looking for new women to date right now, this quick guide will give you an attraction boost.)
The Top 10 Polyamorous Dating Sites to Quickly & Easily Date Multiple Women At Once…
Still curious about what it's like to date multiple women?
Here are 10 sites to check out for the best chances of easing yourself into a poly relationship:
The profile outlines on OkCupid allow for its members to identify themselves in less-defined terms when it comes to gender preference and relationship status.
Individuals who want to explore realms of dating like polyamory feel welcomed by the broad definitions of self, and encouraged to explore the site for other people like them.
Even though Tinder has the reputation as the hookup-only app, it can actually be equally helpful linking you with polyamorous mate potential.
You can look for both men and women, and tailor your informative blurb to attract the right audience.
3) Plenty Of Fish
The users of Plenty Of Fish have been proven to be further along the open-minded path than other dating apps, so they are more likely to be up for a new romantic dynamic.
FetLife prides itself on being the place for people who don’t want a “typical” dating app experience.
Their user base has an atypically high number of polyamorous individuals and couples, and access to local social groups that cater to people searching for a solely polyamorous situation.
5) Local Poly Groups
Hiding behind your phone screen is fun and all, but sometimes the best way to meet people like you and gauge your vibes with them is to do it in-person.
So do a little research and networking, and you may be surprised how easy it is to find like-minded people and social gatherings to attend near you.
This one is all in the name–a site designed specifically for polyamorous folks searching for their ideal set of partners.
Keep in mind that Polymatchmaker is something like the Match.com for polyamory, so any amount of significant communication between you and other members comes at the cost of the monthly membership fee.
Feeld aims to open its users up to the future of human to human connection, whether that be polyamory or anything else.
They believe in forming human attachments based on the overarching open-mindedness of all of their members–which is why they have very lenient profile requirements.
If that sounds exciting, great–go for it. If, on the other hand, you are the kind of person who feels more secure with a verified identity, Feeld may be a bit too liberated a site for you.
Bumble allows its members to swipe on both genders as well as just look for friends.
The broad terms of search allow for a lot of different sexual and relationship preferences to be represented by its users.
This is a site for all kinds of polyamorous connections:
And even finding polyamorous-savvy therapists.
It’s important to define your terms with the people you meet here–PolyFinda is also used for open relationships and swinging.
This dating site is titled for the audience it hopes to attract–the most open-minded among us.
For anyone who doesn’t adhere to the confines of monogamy, or would just really prefer not to, OpenMinded has the user base for you.
And once you’re past the sign-up page for any of these sites/apps, you can start thinking about some of the specifics of your new relationship realm.
Pro Tip: If you're curious about what messages to send to girls online–check out this simple checklist.
Polyamorous Sex: Endless Kinky Threesomes?
Okay no, not really–I know I got your hopes up there. 😉
The “amor” in this sense is more conceptual–polyamorous daters do not necessarily enjoy polyamorous sex, and you could very well carry on a normal bedroom routine with each girlfriend.
Being polyamorous doesn’t necessarily mean the individuals you date will be actively having other boyfriends, either.
But even for the people you date who do have other boyfriends, dating preferences are different than sexual preferences.
Having said that, a polyamorous relationship does have a few advantages for the people who do want to try a threesome or group sex–there are already a few sensible options for a third or fourth person, and open-minded is a broad term.
Someone open to polyamory may be more easily persuaded to branch out and try new things in bed.
(I know–pleasing multiple women in bed might sound like a bit of a challenge… so here is a quick guide that reveals what truly matters to women during sex.)
It might be that you are polyamorous with three girlfriends, all of whom know about each other and see each other sometimes, but never engage each other sexually or even much socially.
It could also be possible that you have three playful girlfriends who all like to climb in bed together and enjoy each other.
3 Communication Tips for a Successful Polyamorous Relationship
Communication can make or break a polyamorous relationship.
So if you’re feeling disconnected, unsure, or as if something is unfair, it is extremely important to be upfront with your partners.
Here are 3 communication tips that will help make sure your poly relationship goes as planned:
1) Honesty Is the Best Policy
Don’t pretend to be OK with something if you’re not–if you think you signed on for this, and now don’t have the right to complain, you’re wrong.
There are all kinds of dynamics that can exist between the people involved in a polyamorous relationship, and it’s important to get it right.
If something doesn’t feel good, that doesn’t mean you should end the relationship or that it is an unsolvable problem.
Just be honest with your partners, and there will more than likely be an easy solution and path forward.
2) Schedule Check-Ins
Find a time during the week when you and all your partners can get together to sit down and talk about:
- Where they are in the relationship…
- How they’re feeling…
- Whether or not they have any complaints or insecurities (and why)…
- And whether or not there are areas that need work.
Meeting once a week will help you feel close and connected with each other, keep you on the same page, and even the playing field for partners you haven’t seen the most recently.
3) Plan On Doing Things Together (If This Works For You)
If you’re hoping to create the “big happy family” feeling, and want your partners to have a relationship as well, you can do group dinners, or even bi-monthly outings at concerts, sports games, etc.
Going out together fosters bonding better than intimate meetings.
This is because there is less pressure to be romantic, or take things back to the bedroom. You can get to know each other in earnest.
The Most Popular Kinds of Polyamorous Relationships
In a situation with seemingly endless options, the rules are pretty much nonexistent.
The number of partners you have depends entirely upon the amount of room you have in your life and mind.
You might be the type who is totally cool with your girlfriend having other boyfriends, but you can’t fit another full-time girlfriend into your life at the moment.
It could be that you have two girlfriends, neither of whom have other boyfriends and are perfectly content with the confines of that arrangement.
It really all depends on personal preferences, and the arrangement that ends up being the most fulfilling for all members of the relationship.
(Note: Many guys have female friends but fail to turn things sexual with them… so if that sounds familiar to you, here's how to make it happen.)
When Things Start Getting Serious…
If the relationships progress to the point that you’re considering a move-in, things can get complicated.
Do you want to live with all your partners?
Is it fair to only live with one?
How do you make these decisions?
Unfortunately, there is no universal poly-dating user guide.
As long as you are considering all important factors, including finances and personal habits, living arrangements should work themselves out as the relationship progresses.
Make sure you don’t force it, though.
Wanting to continue a relationship with someone does not necessarily mean they can easily fit into your ideal living arrangements, and that is an issue to deal with when confronted by it.
The Difference Between Polyamory & Swinging
A lot of people assume that polyamory and swinging are the same thing–however, this is definitely not true.
First of all, let’s remember that there is a big difference between love and sex.
Love is genuine affection for and appreciation of someone for everything they offer, including and excluding sex. Sex is the physical act, done for physical pleasure.
So the difference between polyamory and swinging is of the same cloth–polyamory is about love. Swinging is about sex.
Polyamory means deep, emotional connections with multiple people, and being able to feel those connections simultaneously.
It means that you and your partners are all well-aware and accepting of each other.
Swinging is an uninhibited sexual practice where couples exchange partners for recreational sex. It's done solely for the purposes of fun and sexual pleasure.
No relationship exists between the exchanged partners outside of sex, and no intimate feelings are meant become involved.
And as you probably already know by now, this is not the case with polyamory.
How To Approach a Polyamorous Relationship if Your Partner Seems Resistant
Your girlfriend may not want to hear that you want to date other women, so when you’re trying to open up this conversation, you shouldn’t spring it on her out of the blue.
Gradually start dropping subtle hints, and move forward with as much tact as possible.
This guideline should help you get the ball rolling:
1) Begin with discussing the possibility
The first time you bring it up, you shouldn’t apply the concept to the two of you as a couple–just talk about it in general terms and see what she says.
Her reaction will let you know how to move forward.
You can then talk about it hypothetically, as a “what if” kind of conversation. Give her a chance to be involved in the early stages as much as possible.
Then it will be like an idea you both came up with, and not one you’ve been quietly considering on your own.
2) Praise Your Partner
Since suggesting something like polyamorous dating could easily hurt her pride, it’s essential to build up her self-esteem as much as possible.
If she knows how much you care about her and how amazing you think she is, it will soften the blow. Trust me. 🙂
3) Communicate Your Needs
Your needs are important, and it is not selfish to make that known.
Everyone has different needs, and sometimes one person simply cannot fulfill them all.
That doesn’t mean that one person doesn’t give you something wonderful and fulfilling, of course.
It means that human beings are multifaceted creatures, and finding a way to satisfy every angle of our relationship needs is part of the process of self-discovery.
4) Go Slowly
Again, cannonballing into polyamorous waters is not the way to go.
It’s a delicate process, with a lot of feelings involved, and should gradually build to when you finally branch out and find another partner.
5) Communicate Tactfully
The way you say the words can make all the difference.
So don’t accuse or lay blame.
Take the responsibility onto yourself with something like, “I would like to explore more freedom,” or “I think we would both enjoy the extra freedom.”
Then you can see what she says, and go from there.
A Little Advice from the Experts to Send You Off…
Polyamorous dating can be an eye-opening experience.
It can allow you to become more familiar with the temperaments, needs, and natures of human beings.
So with that in mind, here are three quotes from polyamorous individuals, speaking about the greatest lessons polyamory has taught them:
Your partner is a whole person, bigger than what they are in your relationship. And it is that whole person you must love, not just what means something to you. You are also a whole person. You must ask your partner to recognize that and set the expectation that they love that whole person, not just the parts that mean something to them.”
[It will teach you] how to handle jealousy – recognizing the why of it, owning it, and dealing with it in the appropriate fashion. That no one person can ever meet all of your needs – and that this is ok.”
Love is not a finite resource. Physical intimacy is not the boundary of long term commitment. Commitments require constant examination and upkeep. Knowing how to say what you want takes bravery and persistence.”
All Sex, No Drama: How The Pros Do Polyamory
One of the major drawbacks of dating multiple women is that there can be a lot of “drama.”
However, after speaking with a few bona fide polyamorous men… I discovered that they all have one thing in common, that allows them to successfully sleep with lots of hot women, drama-free:
One polyamorous guy, “Steve,” told me that he always waits for his girlfriends to call & text him first because:
“It means I get to pick and choose when I see which girl… and since they know I can’t always say ‘yes,’ it makes them a lot more sexually aggressive as well.
Of course, getting lots of hot women to chase you down for sex does require a little work… though I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised by how simple it can be.
Here’s how Steve & other “regular” guys pull it off:
Another thing I discovered while speaking to these polyamorous guys… (and this might not surprise you)… is that they have a lot more sex.
Which is great obviously lol… though it also requires a lot of extra stamina & energy.
So I wanted to figure out how these polyamorous guys “keep up” with multiple hot, younger women in the bedroom… and every conversation led me to one solution:
Back when Dave was overseas, he found that this “elixir” helped him get a lot of wild sex, with hot younger foreign girls…
…and even though he’s in his 70’s today, he still uses it to have threesomes… orgies… and lead the kind of polyamorous lifestyle that most men only dream of.
So when I asked these polyamorous guys where they got this “Secret Sex Elixir”… each and every one of them pointed me here–you’re gonna love this: