How to Read Her Mind and Touch Her When She Wants to Be Touched

How to Read Her Mind and Touch Her When She Wants to Be Touched

Easily Move the Interaction Along When She Wants You To

Believe it or not, women looking for men is the fastest-growing segment of users of online dating sites.

That should be good news for you, but if you’re like my clients, of the few women you finally meet (who actually resemble their profile pic), many seem to quickly lose interest or put up barriers.

Whether you meet a girl on an online dating site, an app like Tinder or Hinge, or in person at a bar or other venue, “The Game” is Calibration and Escalation:

a) figuring out where you are, and

b) moving forward.

Even if you are on a site for Asian women, or looking for a specific type of girl, or if you are lucky enough to be swept up by the new trend of women seeking men on an app like Bumble, eventually you will meet that woman in person. At that point, you’re in a “traditional space” where your behavior is what wins or loses for you.

I’ll talk specifically about online dating in later articles – tweaks to your profile and tactics for your messages and responses that massively increase the chances of getting found and securing an in-person meeting that actually happens, and doesn’t end in a last-minute “flake” or cancellation.

For now, though, I’m going to focus on that initial time together, either the first time you’ve ever made contact, or merely the first time you’ve gone from “Hi, I saw your profile” to “Why don’t we meet up?”

In a recent night session, my client got several numbers, and then followed up with them unsuccessfully.

At least that’s what it looked like to him. In fact, his follow-up wasn’t necessarily flawed. I just think that when he got the numbers, they were weak numbers to begin with.

What can you do to make sure the numbers you get are solid? Let’s talk about TWO major tactics to make sure you are moving ahead before you reach any of the major “closing” milestones.

Let’s take a scenario from a recent night session and see what it looks like. My client has gone into a group of girls. He’s confident and starts conversations fearlessly.

This is great! The girls respond automatically to that kind of masculine confidence and conversation gets going.

After a few minutes, he makes his interest clear and asks for a number.

So far, so good, right? In fact, my client was ahead of 90% of guys who are afraid to be so bold. (And if that sounds like you, don’t worry, it’s perfectly natural, and we’ll work on changing that by the end of this article).

But my client could have employed both of my two major tactics to improve how “solid” those numbers were.

Minor Closes

No matter how the conversation is going, a guy gets more traction and more momentum by using minor closes.

Let’s look at progressing in an interaction like climbing a ladder. If you take every second and third rung off of a fairly long ladder, you can still climb it.

how to touch a girl ladder
Photo Courtesy Tim Ellis (CC BY-NC 2.0) Filtered, Rotated

You would be putting a lot of force on the remaining rungs, however, and you’d also be relying on a few very important rungs rather than spreading the risk of falling over many rungs.

Minor closes work kind of like that. Major closes like opening, and asking for the number are too big to hinge everything on. Minor closes are the rungs between the major closes that help you get up the ladder.

Minor closes are much easier to “win,” and create momentum, almost beyond momentum to a tremendous gravity of compliance, so that the major close is more and more comfortable for her and more and more certain for you.

Let’s add minor closes to this interaction like extra rungs in the ladder:

Major Closes                    Minor Closes 

Opens                                    Opens

Chat                                       Chat

                                               Closes for her name

                                               She asks his name

                                               Steps Closer 

Gives Name                         Gives Name

                                               More emotional conversation

                                               Covert Touch 

                                               Relocation 

                                               Overt Touch 

Number exchange             Number exchange 

Let’s go through a few of these minor closes I’ve listed:

Close For the Name

An example of closing for the name, in the middle of an imaginary conversation is “…and they would say to you, – what’s your name?”*

“Karen”

“They would say, ‘Karen, you have to stop smiling on my movie set!’”

(* note that at the hyphen (-) you would change tone as you step out of your story to collect this pertinent information, and then head back in to continue the imaginary dialogue)

Another version of the name close is just being direct: “What’s your name?” If you ask this when you KNOW you’ll get an answer (or when you’re willing to leave if you don’t), it can be even more powerful than the previous indirect example.

More Emotional Conversation

By this I mean conversation that is not monotonous or always smiling, but where you show things like mock anger, or suspicion, or surprise.

Covert and Overt Touch

Covert touch is touch she doesn’t notice. Overt touch is touch that she consciously accepts. I’ll go into that in more detail in later articles.

Can you feel how these minor yesses make the major yes easier to obtain? Now to blow your mind with something I call Bookmarking:

Bookmarking

bookmark 1024 px
Photo Courtesy Hernan Pinera (CC BY-SA 2.0)

A bookmark usually refers to something you leave in a book (or a click in an ebook) to hold your place, and I mean it much the same here. A bookmark holds your place, or your level, in the interaction.

For example, if you were sharing secrets with each other in your last conversation, nothing directly says that you can do that again in the next conversation. To begin a conversation at the same level of familiarity you were on in the last conversation may be offensive – and, more importantly – ineffective.

But if you bookmark that level of familiarity, you have a much higher chance of returning to it without objection, or of being pardoned even if it felt wrong.

The way you bookmark that level of familiarity is with a phrase like, “mmm…. I like the fact that we can tell each other anything.” or “Why do I confess so easily to you? I think it’s because you seem to be comfortable telling me your deep secrets.”

So with that in mind, let’s look at the above interaction again.

Major Closes                       Minor Closes                        Bookmarks

Opens                                       Opens

Chat                                          Chat

                                                   Closes for her name               (when she smiles)

                                                  She asks his name

                                                  Steps Closer                             (because she asks
for his name)

Gives Name                            Gives Name

                                                  More emotional
conversation

                                                  Covert Touch                           (because she laughs)

                                                  Relocation                                (when she touches him)

                                                  Overt Touch                             (as she sighs)

Number exchange                 Number exchange                  (as she reminds him
of future plans)

Try to imagine the interaction with me and realize what a powerful thing you’re doing.

You are not only escalating in little ways as you move forward with her, but in her eyes, you seem to escalate with her encouragement!

Instead of just moving up the ladder to touch her on the arm or step closer to her ear, you are reacting to some “go-ahead” signals she gives you.

For example, you are chatting comfortably. You’ve finished the little story where you snuck her name from her.

She laughs melodically, throwing her head back so that her teeth are showing and her healthy hair is shaking behind her.

This is a strong signal of attraction to you – not just for you, but also for everyone in the room.

As everyone looks over, you step closer, perhaps gently grabbing her arm and delivering a second punch line to the joke a little closer to her ear – conspiratorially.

“You laugh like that, they’ll close the set down and send everyone else home!”

What does this do?

Let your jaw drop as you suddenly realize all the amazing power this little trick gives you. Not only does it teach you how to touch a girl…

…but also when…

…and it makes it seem like it’s her idea!

1) Because she is laughing, she is less likely to reject and more likely to accept your escalation. You have an advantage.

2) Rather than letting this moment when she likes you slip by into the ether, you bookmark it, by escalating. This escalation is much more memorable than her simple laugh, so she is more likely to internalize the good feelings.

We remember moments of emotional change, and she is far more likely to remember – internally – this moment when you made her laugh, simply because you got closer (oooh…makes her breathe faster!) and touched her (hey, why does it tingle her arm?) and then spoke close to her ear (shudder, your hot breath on her neck is making her feel drunk!).

3) You are anchoring that good feeling. The touch you just gave her (or the closeness, or the breath on her neck and ear, or some phrase in your joke – she can take her pick) is now a small anchor for the feeling she is exhibiting. She’s laughing while you touch her arm? Next time you touch that arm, a little of that laughing feeling will return.

4) You are anchoring that good feeling to an escalation. Instead of your touch producing the standard conflict of “Ooh! Feels good! But hey! Get off me!” It’s anchored to smiling and laughing, “I like you” acceptance. Next time you touch her, if there is an automatic feeling of resistance, it will be suppressed as it succumbs to the anchored feeling of compliance.

5) Even more incredible is that the first time you might anchor her laughter to touch, or getting closer, or breathing on her neck, or getting her tingly–but it’s a single thing.

When you’ve bookmarked three or four different things, though, what do you think happens? It becomes a conceptual, bigger-picture activity: you are anchoring her “I like you” feeling to your escalation.

The result is that each time you escalate she starts to not only feel that laughing, happy or “whatever feeling” you anchored, but she also actually feels “I like you” and “go ahead!” too.

Your escalation becomes the trigger for her compliance. You are producing a ritual between you too where you escalate and she complies!

6) Read number 5 above again, because it also works the other way around. You are producing a ritual where she likes you and you escalate.

Does that sound the same? If it does then you didn’t read number 5 again.

Here’s the difference: above, you are pushing and she’s yielding. That’s super, but what I’m saying is that simultaneously, she is encouraging and you are responding by giving her the physical action she wants.

That is the best seduction money can buy: you are moving forward because she is showing that she likes you.

Do you understand how that happens? Although in reality YOU are leading, waiting for her real or interpreted go-ahead signal and then moving forward on it, the result is that she gives you a go-ahead signal and you push forward.

So although you are anchoring her own compliance to her feeling good, you are also anchoring your escalation to her feeling good – and to her compliance! Sneaky devil.

7) As a result of the above, you are flipping the script, which is one of my overall big picture goals in interactions with women. Normally an interaction has the feeling that you are pushing: you want her, and she is yielding. She’s the gatekeeper.

Instead, using these two tools, you are subtly developing a scenario where she is showing desire (the “I like you” or “go ahead” or compliance mentality), and you are rewarding her desire with action – like a man!

She is telling you when and how to touch her, and you are “responding” in kind.

This is powerful and actually turns the decision over to you. You turn her power to say “no, you can’t have this” into your power to say “yes, I can give you what you want.”

And that is incredibly powerful.

So next time you go out, remember these two key concepts: minor closes and bookmarks. Start to remember the anchor points, and use them to your advantage.

Eventually, you’ll start employing these methods without even thinking, and you’ll be absolutely amazed by how you improve with women, all because you’re controlling the interaction by seeming to subtly “ask her permission.”

Here’s What to Do Next:

You might be saying, “That’s great David, but I’m kind of shy around women. How can I use all of this great information when I’m scared to even approach a girl?”

It’s a good question, and don’t worry, you’re not alone in asking it.

But there’s a way to easily get a woman interested in you without having to come up with a canned “line” or “routine.”

It has to do with when and how you touch a girl after meeting her in a way that’s not “creepy” or that won’t embarrass you.

All you have to do is click here now to get immediate, free access to this new guide, and stop worrying about “what to say” to a girl ever again.

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