Submission and Dominance Explained So She Can’t Wait to See You Again
Too many men have been brainwashed by all sorts of mainstream media to think that women are all delicate little flowers, wanting nothing more than soft kisses and sweet whispers while being caressed ever-so-gently toward a calm, fulfilling ending.
In reality, nothing could be further from the truth. The types of media that you should be paying attention to are trashy novels like 50 Shades of Grey, which found a way to tap into what women really want in the bedroom:
A dominant man who can take control and can fulfill the darkest fantasies that women keep deep in the corners of their minds, but never dare talk about.
In other words, submission and dominance.
How The Myth of the “Sensitive Guy” Is Ruining Your Sex Life
Some time ago, maybe sometime in the nineties when (as David would put it) the concept of “Sensitive New Age Guys” started infecting popular culture.
It wasn’t cool for guys to be “men” anymore. Instead, men were told almost universally to become more sensitive. “Understand where the other person is coming from,” and that type of thing.
While that’s not 100% bad advice, our society definitely took it and ran with it. Before long, most men were afraid to take decisive action or lead others without “building consensus” or “making sure everyone had a voice.”
Sounds great for society, right?
Well it’s not so great in the bedroom, where submission and dominance reign supreme.
Why Women Are Repulsed By Overly-Accommodating Sex Partners
“Most women are submissive,” sex expert Ruwan Meepagala told me in a recent interview. “Even the women who are interested in being the ‘dom’ over a guy, or just being dominant usually all serve a submissive side, or at least the heterosexual ones do.”
When women are asked to abandon that submissive side, and take a more traditionally masculine role, it’s not exactly a big turn-on for them.
In fact, a lot of times, they resent the man for not being able to “take charge” in the bedroom, and deliver what they desire most.
So what is it exactly that women want most in the bedroom?
“A woman wants to find a guy who can create a strong enough structure for them that they can fully let go, they can feel all the pleasure and give you all the pleasure,” Ruwan says.
It makes sense that in light of our society’s shift to more accommodation, more consensus, and more talking and less doing that both men and women would seek a balance to that side of the coin. And that balancing act occurs in the bedroom.
Not only that, but there are deeper psychological and evolutionary reasons that drive this need to be dominated in the minds of many women.
“There’s something about when they’re with their partner, when they feel the men can overpower them, they feel that the men can take care of them,” Ruwan says. “In that setting, if she’s taken care of, her mind can relax or let go and experience the joy of orgasm.”
What Does “Being Dominant” Really Even Mean?
But before you go to clean out the local adult store of its entire inventory, you should probably know that “dominance” doesn’t mean “inducing pain” or “sadism.”
In fact the percentage of women that secretly want you to go to those lengths is much smaller.
“Most women are curious about the whips and chains because of Fifty Shades of Grey,” Ruwan says. “They tell me as much at workshops. But I don’t think they’re necessarily ‘into’ the whips and chains for themselves. They think it’s interesting, but what they really want is that psychological element. They want their men to be able to handle them.
“I’m saying this as a guy who’s not naturally ‘dominant’ at all. I’m certainly on the shorter side. I don’t have a dominant personality. But I certainly do want to be the one leading the interaction, because if I don’t, as a man, she will get bored.”
As you know by now, boredom in the bedroom can lead to all sorts of problems in the relationship, not the least of which is cheating.
Not only that, but it decreases the level of connection that you feel with the woman in your life, which can also lead both her and you to “check out” of the relationship.
How to Easily Project More Dominance In the Bedroom
Like Ruwan said, you don’t have to be the biggest guy, or the strongest guy in order to project dominance in the bedroom.
What matters is that you show the woman you’re with that you know how to handle her. And you can do this in a few different ways.
First, almost by definition, you need to lead the interaction. That includes harnessing her “energy” during sex.
“The feminine energy, they’re the source of feeling in sex,” Ruwan says. “The male energy, the masculine energy, is the container for that. You need to be able to ‘hold’ all of that energy she’s feeling with you.”
Second, leading the interaction does not necessarily mean bossing her around. “Dominance in the way we’re talking about it isn’t about bossing her around necessarily, or telling her what to do in every moment, or over-riding her,” Ruwan says. “It’s about being able to handle her.”
Think of it as taming a bucking bronco in some ways. A cowboy doesn’t just go out there with a whip and flog the thing into submission. There’s a trust the cowboy builds up by guiding the bronco where he wants it to go. Before long, the cowboy is in control.
Similarly, unless the girl you’re with is big into bondage and being a submissive, start out by guiding her in a similar manner. You can (and should) be a little more direct with her. If she’s a regular partner of yours, stop asking for specific acts and start directing her a little bit more.
If you think she’ll be uncomfortable, you can say something very simple at the beginning, like, “We’re going to try something new tonight in the bedroom. If things get too intense, or you ever want to stop, just say [insert safeword].” Then honor that safe word whenever she brings it up.
That way, you can start by being a little more firm with her, but push her boundaries as far as she’s willing to go. A lot of times, according to Ruwan, she wants to be pushed to a place outside of her comfort zone.
“In order for her to experience orgasm, she must go out of control,” he says. “Her body physically has to go out of control. You can’t force an orgasm. She will only come with a guy who is strong enough to handle her emotions and handle her sensations, and not be bothered by it, and you demonstrate all that through all these things we call dominance.”
Here’s What to Do Next
To see just how much women love a guy who knows what he’s doing and not afraid to “go for it,” you need to check out Craig’s article on women paying for happy ending massages.
Much like Ruwan asks you to push a little beyond your own comfort zone when being more dominant with a trusted partner in bed, many of these women want nothing more than to be pushed beyond the boundaries of their own self-control.
The result? You’ll have to read the article. But needless to say the women end up getting something they don’t get too often at home.
And that’s the real takeaway here. If you don’t satisfy a woman in bed, she’s going to get bored quickly and go somewhere else to find that satisfaction.